Stepping Close to 2009

Ever since Christmas Day I’ve found myself reflecting over the year that has passed and thinking about where I’m heading. I’ve not been consciously making resolutions as such, but I’ve given far more serious thought to the mistakes I’ve made this year and how I can avoid them next year, the things I’ve done well this year and whether or not I can improve on them, and the path I want to follow during 2009.

I’ve never really found myself feeling like this at the end of the year before. I’ve never been one for resolutions because they generally get broken anyway, but I think the fact that I’m starting to creep towards 50 now has been playing a role in this. I want to enjoy my life, and I want to enjoy it in a way that feels right for me.

Health

A Ward at Salford Royal Hospital - a place I don't want to see during 2009!

My health is one of the things that’s been foremost on my mind recently. I know I can’t turn the clocks back and live the life I once lived but I can take steps to keep myself out of hospital and as well as possible. I know I’ve been playing with fire recently in more ways than one and could so easily end up regretting it, so certain things need to be changed. I want to squeeze as much as I can out of life and I can’t do that unless I improve my health. I can’t re-grow my bowel or unclog my arteries but I can live a healthier lifestyle and take my medication more seriously, both of which will act as a preventative against my condition falling into further decline and will also help improve my stamina and thus the quality of my life.

Family

My family have also been strongly on my mind. There’s a link between them and my wanting to improve my health situation, quite simply that I doubt any of them would want me to be in a worse state than I need to be or, given the worse case scenario but one that could easily happen, dead.

Paul, when he was a boy


Lise and her partner, Bjørn


LM, taken last summer

But I’ve been thinking about my relationships with various family members too. What mistakes have I made? What can I do to help my family more? What do I expect from them? How can relationships be improved?

Friends

And then there are friends. I’ve written several times before about toxic friends and why we don’t need them in our lives and while I’ve managed to rid myself of most, there are still a couple that drag me down. I don’t need people who make me feel bad about myself - when you’ve lived with an emotional abuser for as long as I did, you very quickly start believing the things they tell you and that’s VERY unhealthy. I’m incredibly susceptible to that kind of suggestion now so will have to ensure that I don’t have ANY of those kind of people in my life anymore. The same goes for those who take pleasure in opposing my opinions ‘just for the sake of it’. I like a good discussion as much as the next person, but I’m sick of just about everything I say to certain people being turned into a debate. I just don’t need that.

On the other hand there are friendships that I need to cultivate more. Those people who I feel truly comfortable around, the ones who accept me for who I am without placing any conditions on our friendship, they’re the ones I want to spend time with. They’re the ones who boost me and help me believe that I’m capable of being whatever I want to be. They see beyond my limitations and accept that I sometimes need to push the boundaries and try things that may or may not work out, even though they maybe wouldn’t try them themselves.

Friends can, of course, be family members too.

For the first time in too long I’ve started taking my life seriously. Instead of thinking about de-cluttering, getting rid of debts and worrying over the environment I’ve started thinking about ME and how I can improve my life on a more personal level. After all, if you don‘t respect your emotional and physical needs, no amount of financial security or green living is going to make you happy. Our own sense of well-being is what everything else is built upon.

This coming year I’m going to be who I am regardless of what others think of me, take serious steps to improve my health, enjoy being part of a small family unit, put myself where I want to be, and surround myself with people who I enjoy whilst still trying to be as green and frugal as I can.

Sharon J xx

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Dare To Dream

Hi, I'm Laura from Move to Portugal.

Sharon recently wrote a post about Fear of Failure and I left a comment quoting something that I had once read, which has always held true to me, 'I have no fear of failure, only a fear of not trying'.

This is quite an apt quote for us considering the journey we are on.

When we first started out on our mission to pay off the mortgage and move to Portugal we didn't tell anyone, we thought that friends and family would think we lived in a dream world, so we decided to keep quiet. As time has gone on we've slowly let people in on the secret and nearly everyone has the same reaction, it's impossible, you'll never afford it.

I never quite know how to react to this. It's hard to talk to people about how living frugally, having a 'less is more attitude' and not wanting to own the biggest house on the block, means that you can achieve your dreams. It's hard to get people to realise that once you stop living a consumer lifestyle then life becomes so much easier. This is something you have to realise yourself.

My philosophy is to aim high, if you don't quite make it to the top then at least you might land somewhere near it.

Recommended reading: Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominquez and Vicki Robin.

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Image Credit: Portugese Eyes

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Learning To Say No

Since starting my journey towards a simpler life, one of things I’ve had to learn is to say “No” more often.

Once upon a time, no matter what people asked of me, if I was able to do it, I did. Rarely was there any real gratitude shown and all too often, when I asked for a favour myself, that person was either too busy or just unwilling for whatever reason. Not everybody was that way, obviously, but too many were.

The fact is, people will keep on taking whatever you offer them and all the helping out I was doing was starting to wear me down. I spent so much time and energy doing things for other people that I found myself increasingly unable to do the things that actually meant a lot to me. My life, it seemed, belonged to others.

Nowadays I’m much more inclined to say no although to start with it did feel pretty weird. I’d find myself having to offer reasons for not being able to help but the truth of the matter is, nobody has any right to demand another’s time and an excuse really isn’t necessary. If you’ve said no then you clearly have a reason and have every right to decide yourself whether you want to share that reason or not.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we shouldn’t extend a helping hand but we don’t need to say yes to everything that’s asked of us. The following are a few basic guidelines that I use now when deciding whether or not to say yes.

Who is this person?
Sounds like a strange question because in all likelihood, if you didn’t already know them, they wouldn’t be asking a favour of you, but what I mean by this is what kind of person are they? Would they be happy to help you out when you need it, or are they blood suckers who just keep on taking without ever giving much back in return? I don’t mean that they have to do the same kind of favours for you, or even of the same magnitude - everything depends on a person’s abilities etc - but if they don’t show willing often enough (or ever, for that matter), start saying no more often.

Am I comfortable doing this?
I’ve put my life in danger to help others out and while I was ok doing that because the situation was serious, that wouldn’t always be the case because there are some things I really cannot do because they’d either be irresponsible of me (what would have happened if I had been hurt - who would have looked after my family?) or just plain difficult. If I’m not comfortable doing something, then unless there’s really no other way and somebody’s life depended on it, I’d say no.

Should this person be asking this of me?
People who know us well should know our limitations but still I’m often asked to do something that’s beyond what anybody should really expect. Once upon a time, I’d have done my best to do it anyway but nowadays I just think that they ought not have asked in the first place and put me in a position where I feel I have to help and simply say no.

Could this person do this for him/herself?
One example of this was people constantly asking me for loans even though they had at least as much and often more coming in than I have. If I can budget and make my money last from one pay day to the next and save a bit too, then surely they can. By helping out with loans the whole time, I wasn’t really do them any favours so instead I offered to help them set up a budget, an offer that has been declined by each of those people who‘d regularly ask, so now I just say no. As they say “give a man a fish and you’ll feed him for a day, teach him to fish and you’ll feed him for a lifetime”.

How important is the favour?
There’s a big difference between getting out of bed at two in the morning to take somebody to the hospital because a loved one’s just been admitted with a serious illness and could die and picking somebody up from a night club because they've spent their taxi fair home. If I don’t really think the person should be asking the favour of me, then I say no.

What are my own priorities?
Do I have the time or energy to do this? How important is it compared with the plans I’d already made for my time? Can I afford to do it and, if not, are they able to pay themselves (or even willing to)? If I feel that my own priorities are more important - and this is one where I often fell down before because I put other people’s need (real or perceived) before myself all too often - then I say no.


Since starting to say no more often and give more consideration to my own needs instead, some people have stopped contacting me as much. Fine. I know where I stand with them now. Those who really care about me understand that you can’t always do everything for everybody and have started expecting less of me. I still help out when and how I can, but I don’t jump around like a puppet on a string anymore and am actually spending time helping myself instead.

Sharon J xx

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Image Source: Tyla75

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Financial Goals

Image: JimmyMac210

I recently read a post on Saving4Later where the author of the blog tries to list her 20 financial goals as advised by the author of a book she was reading. She was only able to list five.

I thought it sounded like an interesting exercise so I tried writing my own list. Here’s what I came up with:

1. Save £2,000 for new kitchen.
   I really need my kitchen re-fitted and completely re-decorated so this is one of my number 1 goal at the moment.
   
   
2. Save £3,000 in an emergency fund.
   Everybody should have one.
   
   
3. Pay off ALL debts.
   By December 2009, if things stay on track, I should be debt-free. Never again!
   
   
4. Save £500 for a bonding holiday with LM.
   I've had a holiday with just Lise alone but not with LM. That needs to be rectified. Spending time together, discovering new places is a good bonding experience.
   
   
5. Save £1,000 for a bonding holiday with both my girls.
   I’ve had a few short bonding breaks with my girls but never one with both together (alone, without males around) so I’d really love to go away somewhere warm with them and just enjoy being together.
   
   
6. Save £2,000 for a holiday in the Maldives with Richard.
   We’ve dreamt of this for a long time now. One day we’ll get there. I hope. Probably when we're old and grey but even so....
   
   
7. Save £1,000 for a holiday in Cuba.
   I’ve always wanted to visit Cuba and haven’t given up on the idea yet.
   
   (These are the only holidays I really want - anything else is just a bonus. I did offer to take Paul away recently but he refused; he's perfectly happy just plodding through life, living VERY simply)
   
   
8. Save at least £50 per month in pension scheme.
   I started this a few years back but dropped it because I just couldn’t afford it anymore. Paying off the debts had to come first. Once they’re paid, I’ll take up paying into this again. If I don’t, I’m gonna end up one very poor pensioner.
   
   
9. Use one credit card for earning cash-back.
   Once the debts are paid off I’ll continue to use the card that gives me cash back whenever I make expensive purchases. I won’t use it unless I have the money ready to pay it with though.
   
   
10. Save enough to give the house a complete make-over.
    Once the kitchen’s finished, I intend to start on the rest of the house, one room at a time.
    
    
11. Save enough to give the garden a complete make-over.
    The garden’s a shameful sight - I need to have it redesigned so that it’s easy maintenance with space to grow some native plants and shrubs as well as a few veggies.

Hmmm… that’s it. I can only get to elleven. I really can think of anything else I'd need large amounts of money for.

Sharon J

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Everything Has Its Price

Image: Auzigog

I can have just about anything material that I want, y’know, and so can you. Luxury holidays in far-flung exotic places, a flashy car, designer clothes, expensive furniture… you name it, we can have it.

Let’s say I wanted to live in a bigger house. I could have it if I really wanted to. I could give up the security of living in a housing association, forget any ideas of paying off my credit cards at more than the minimum monthly payments, wave bye-bye to an emergency fund and privately rent a lovely big house that would be the envy of my friends. Or I could take on two or three jobs even though that would make me very ill, but it’d get me a mortgage the size to match the house. I could even go a step further and gather the money through fraudulent means but I’d be risking prison if I were caught.

As much as I’d like a bigger house, the fact is that financial security, a reasonable level of mental health and the ability to sleep well without worrying about the police knocking on my door are all far more important to me. Sure, I could have the house if I really wanted it, but the price would be way too high.

But that’s the thing with ‘wants’. We don’t always stop to think how much those things we want are actually going to cost us - the other things we also want and maybe even actually need, that we won’t be able to have because of that one particular thing, whether it’s an object, a lifestyle or even a friend.

We can have just about anything we want if we want it badly enough but there’s invariably a price to pay and while that price is sometimes acceptable, sometimes the price is WAY too high. I know that the lifestyle I’d been living caused not only my debt problems but my health problems to and, for me, that’s a price that just wasn’t worth it. Neither was it worth the pressure it was putting on me to “keep up”, let alone the damage it was doing to the planet.


Sharon J

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Tesco, Asda & The Others

Photo: Route79

I’ve just finished doing my online shopping with Tesco and once again I felt a bit saddened as I pressed the ‘order’ button. I really don’t like shopping with them, or any of the other supermarket giants for that matter, but needs must. I’m just not able to get around the shops easily enough to do my shopping at the market and in local, independent stores so Tesco it is.

Richard’s good. He goes to the local butcher to buy most of my meat and often dashes all over town looking for something in particular that I’ve asked for, but I can’t expect him to rush about doing my fortnightly shop that way. Or even send him off on a more regular basis, for that matter. He has his own life, too. And anyway, I couldn’t even get everything locally if I tried - there just aren’t enough independents left.

The trouble with Tesco, Sainsbury, Asda and the likes is that they’re ruining local economics. Farmers can barely afford to survive on the prices they’re paid and with the giants selling about 70% of food in the UK, they don’t have a lot of choice other than to sell to them on their terms. Local businesses are pressed out of the market leaving our towns filled with clothes shops, mobile phone shops, and other ‘chain stores’. There are few independent grocers, butchers, bakers, or candlestick makers left. And apparently, for every superstore that opens there’s a job loss of around 200-300 thanks to the small traders and their suppliers being put out of business. Is this really what we want? Has the convenience really been worth the consequences?

As well as their suppliers, they pay their floor staff a pittance. Let’s face it, the minimum wage is NOT a decent income. Whereas an independent store owner and his staff are merely making a living, the supermarket giants sweep up our money and pack it off to the shareholders, far away from the local community. How much money do the Walton family have? More than £100 billion, that’s how much! (In case you don’t know, they own Wal-mart, which Asda is part of). Just how selfish are these people?

Sure, they all like to be seen to be doing their bit for the environment. They offer to recycle our plastic bags and our local Tesco even has a wind turbine to provide the energy it uses but they still over package their products, and they still pay their suppliers and employees far too little. And they still import too much food. And they still deliver my shopping with some carrier bags containing just one item!

Apparently, Tesco are now considering removing their logo from their trailers because, with the rising price of fuel and the ever looming oil crisis, they don’t want to be seen on the roads too often. Crafty devils!

Still, my shopping will no doubt arrive safely and once again I’ll have been part of the problem rather than the solution. Sigh….

Sharon J

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