Ever since Christmas Day I’ve found myself reflecting over the year that has passed and thinking about where I’m heading. I’ve not been consciously making resolutions as such, but I’ve given far more serious thought to the mistakes I’ve made this year and how I can avoid them next year, the things I’ve done well this year and whether or not I can improve on them, and the path I want to follow during 2009.
I’ve never really found myself feeling like this at the end of the year before. I’ve never been one for resolutions because they generally get broken anyway, but I think the fact that I’m starting to creep towards 50 now has been playing a role in this. I want to enjoy my life, and I want to enjoy it in a way that feels right for me.
Health
A Ward at Salford Royal Hospital - a place I don't want to see during 2009!My health is one of the things that’s been foremost on my mind recently. I know I can’t turn the clocks back and live the life I once lived but I can take steps to keep myself out of hospital and as well as possible. I know I’ve been playing with fire recently in more ways than one and could so easily end up regretting it, so certain things need to be changed. I want to squeeze as much as I can out of life and I can’t do that unless I improve my health. I can’t re-grow my bowel or unclog my arteries but I can live a healthier lifestyle and take my medication more seriously, both of which will act as a preventative against my condition falling into further decline and will also help improve my stamina and thus the quality of my life.
Family
My family have also been strongly on my mind. There’s a link between them and my wanting to improve my health situation, quite simply that I doubt any of them would want me to be in a worse state than I need to be or, given the worse case scenario but one that could easily happen, dead.
Paul, when he was a boy
Lise and her partner, Bjørn
LM, taken last summerBut I’ve been thinking about my relationships with various family members too. What mistakes have I made? What can I do to help my family more? What do I expect from them? How can relationships be improved?
Friends
And then there are friends. I’ve written several times before about toxic friends and why we don’t need them in our lives and while I’ve managed to rid myself of most, there are still a couple that drag me down. I don’t need people who make me feel bad about myself - when you’ve lived with an emotional abuser for as long as I did, you very quickly start believing the things they tell you and that’s VERY unhealthy. I’m incredibly susceptible to that kind of suggestion now so will have to ensure that I don’t have ANY of those kind of people in my life anymore. The same goes for those who take pleasure in opposing my opinions ‘just for the sake of it’. I like a good discussion as much as the next person, but I’m sick of just about everything I say to certain people being turned into a debate. I just don’t need that.
On the other hand there are friendships that I need to cultivate more. Those people who I feel truly comfortable around, the ones who accept me for who I am without placing any conditions on our friendship, they’re the ones I want to spend time with. They’re the ones who boost me and help me believe that I’m capable of being whatever I want to be. They see beyond my limitations and accept that I sometimes need to push the boundaries and try things that may or may not work out, even though they maybe wouldn’t try them themselves.
Friends can, of course, be family members too.
For the first time in too long I’ve started taking my life seriously. Instead of thinking about de-cluttering, getting rid of debts and worrying over the environment I’ve started thinking about ME and how I can improve my life on a more personal level. After all, if you don‘t respect your emotional and physical needs, no amount of financial security or green living is going to make you happy. Our own sense of well-being is what everything else is built upon.
This coming year I’m going to be who I am regardless of what others think of me, take serious steps to improve my health, enjoy being part of a small family unit, put myself where I want to be, and surround myself with people who I enjoy whilst still trying to be as green and frugal as I can.
Sharon J xx
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15 comments:
That's a wonderful set of clear objectives, Sharon. I wish you love, light, good health, strength and all you wish for yourself. xxx
Don't worry, this "toxic" friend, who doesn't fit in with your views but who you'd just told had helped you celebrate the best Christmas you'd had for ages, will be out of your way. At least you can stop lying to me now.
Good luck, Sharon. You'll need it with that support group around you.
Oh, here we go again. Richard, if you're going to continue posting personal comments that really have nothing to do with anybody else then I will start deleting them. The lies are in your imagination this time and yes, it was one of the best Christmases I've had in a long while.
Debi. I think I'm going to need that strength. Wishing the same back to you :)
Sharon, do try and keep to what you know is good for you. We have to love ourselves first and take care of ourselves before we are of any use to anyone else. Making yourself number one is not selfish, it's sensible. When you have had major health issues you have to do this and getting rid of toxic influences is a first step. Scary at first but well worth it, have courage. I admire you and wish you well in 2009 and remember, you have many friends out here in blogworld. Maybe a visit one day.
Margaret
ps. and don't worry about the 50, wait until the 60 arrives, now that is scary, LOL.
pps. have you thought of the comments being approved by you before they are published? Just a thought.
Sharon, that's what I love about your blog, you always give me a different perpective. I love that you are focusing on the positive.
I have allocated a sum of money towards my debts and now thanks to you I feel able to look to improving relationships with everyone around me, not that I'm shy! but to show genuine interest in them, to listen and enjoy them. Thanks again.
@ Margaret. Thanks for for your comment. I keep telling myself that I'm not being selfish by looking after my own needs and living life in the way that feels right for me but when you're told enough time that you ARE being selfish, it's easy to start believing it. And yes, a visit one day would be lovely :)
@ Anon. I've found that it's much easier to show genuine interst in some people more than in others and have realised that if I'm not interested in a person enough to really care about what they have to say, then I shouldn't really be friends with them. It isn't fair on either part. Glad you're finding it easier to deal with your debts :)
Hi Sharon,
Wishing you peace and strength for each day as it comes along.
With best wishes for 2009
Chris
After a long conversation yesterday you know how i feel about this. Stuff 'em all and go about your life the way you want and with the time you have left.
You are your own person and don't have to answer to anyone or anything except your own belief.
Live your life and get on with it while you still can. Be true to you.
xoxoxoxo
Sounds like a good plan Sharon! :D
Jennifer
Sharon please take control and monitor your coments, you don't deserve this. Love and hugs.
Margaret
Well I hope the frugal part doesn't mean you won't stand your round Clank!
Oh dear. Sharon you are who you are. R, Sharon cannot be what you want her to be, if she is not who you want then you must go and make a different life. Sad but true.
@ Cabbage Heart. I've made my mind up that I shan't answer to anybody anymore. People can advise, but they can't tell me what to do. Nobody knows how long they have left so I really don't see the point in living a life that's at odds with what you believe in or choosing a path that isn't suitable.
@ Margaret. For the first time since I started this blog I've deleted some comments. You're right, I need to take control here as well as in other areas of my life. I've also turned on comment moderation.
@ Carol. Don't worry, on the odd occassion I venture to the pub I'll still stand my round and drink the lot of you under the table ;)
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