Some of you already know that my dad’s very ill and isn’t going to get better. He’s been like it for a couple of years now and it’s a surprise to everybody that he’s still alive - alive but not living. Laying on a bed, not knowing where he is, who his wife is, who I am, or being able to feed himself or control his bowels is not living. Surviving yes, but not living.
If I’m honest, I’ve never had a good relationship with my dad. Without going into detail, I can say that he’s a been very selfish man, but it was only once I was old enough to understand certain things that I realised what he was really like. As a young girl, I thought he was great. Why? Because he was funny when he was drunk (which he was twice a day, every day) and he taught me to dance.
I used to love dancing with Dad. I can’t have been more than about four when he taught me to waltz at the social club we used to go to at weekends. Then came the foxtrot, the quick step and a few others, but the waltz was always ‘our’ dance. And even when I got older and ‘played out’ with the other kids rather than hanging in the club, I always made sure I was back in the hall for the last waltz because that belonged to me and Dad.
I don’t really have anything special that reminds me of dad but a week or so ago I came across this on eBay.
It’s the sheet music to ‘Moon River’, the song he taught me to waltz to and one I can remember dancing with him to on so many occasions, including at my wedding. I’m going to put it in a black frame and hang it on the living room wall because although we didn’t get along too well, those dances ARE good memories, and hearing the song nowadays makes me both smile and cry.
Sharon J xx