Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Moon River

Some of you already know that my dad’s very ill and isn’t going to get better. He’s been like it for a couple of years now and it’s a surprise to everybody that he’s still alive - alive but not living. Laying on a bed, not knowing where he is, who his wife is, who I am, or being able to feed himself or control his bowels is not living. Surviving yes, but not living.

If I’m honest, I’ve never had a good relationship with my dad. Without going into detail, I can say that he’s a been very selfish man, but it was only once I was old enough to understand certain things that I realised what he was really like. As a young girl, I thought he was great. Why? Because he was funny when he was drunk (which he was twice a day, every day) and he taught me to dance.

I used to love dancing with Dad. I can’t have been more than about four when he taught me to waltz at the social club we used to go to at weekends. Then came the foxtrot, the quick step and a few others, but the waltz was always ‘our’ dance. And even when I got older and ‘played out’ with the other kids rather than hanging in the club, I always made sure I was back in the hall for the last waltz because that belonged to me and Dad.

I don’t really have anything special that reminds me of dad but a week or so ago I came across this on eBay.

It’s the sheet music to ‘Moon River’, the song he taught me to waltz to and one I can remember dancing with him to on so many occasions, including at my wedding. I’m going to put it in a black frame and hang it on the living room wall because although we didn’t get along too well, those dances ARE good memories, and hearing the song nowadays makes me both smile and cry.

Sharon J xx


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Chris said...

Hi ! Glad you found something to remember some of the better times.


Becky said...

I understant your sentiments perfectly, it's sad but it's good that you have found something to remember happier times.
Take care, hope you're feeling better xxx

Anonymous said...

Smashing idea. I love wall decorations that have some kind of personal association.

Rosesposes said...

Hi Sharon
That will make a great picture to hang up. I have so much to catch up on your blog and read, you put me to shame how well you blog regulary

L-Jay said...

I love waltzing to Moonriver too.

Sharon J said...

@ Chris. I couldn't imagine there being anything better :)

@ Becky. I think it's important to remember the good times. Feeling a good deal better now, yes :)

@ Anon. Just about everything that's on my living room walls has some kind of personal association. That's part of what makes it home to me :)

@ Rosesposes. Well I can't say I've had anything particularly interesting to say lately while I've been ill but I like to write :)

@ L-Jay It's such a beautiful song to waltz to, isn't it?

psuklinkie said...

What a wonderful, touching way to remember the good times with your dad.
When my father passed, it provided a way to reconnect not with his memory, but with that whole side of the family that I had almost completely lost touch with. It's sometimes wonderful how tragedy can draw us closer together and to the positive things in our lives.

Catz said...

Very similar experience with my Dad but will always remember him and the happier memories when I hear Nat King cole! :)

Glad to hear that you are starting to feel better!

Gavin said...

Good memories always out live the bad ones. That framed sheet music will with your own healing.

Great to hear that you are getting better.


Susan said...

My daddy and I waltzed to Moon River, too. We danced during the Lawrence Welk Show. (I'm way older than you.)

My mom's in a nursing center and just existing. I know what you are going through there.

Just stopping by. Susan

Sharon J said...

@ Psuklinkie. Hi and welcome to my blog. I'm glad you were able to reconnect with your father's family although I can say with 99.9% certainty that the same won't happen here and I can't say that saddens me.

@ Catz. Nat King Cole has a lovely voice although my dad, being such a rascist, never listened to him.

@ Gavin. Yes, I'd rather hang on to the good times than the bad ones.

@ Susan. You too? How lovely that so many of us have fond memories of Moon River :)

Debi said...

I guess that's all part of growing up ... you take the bad with the good and accept imperfections in others as well as ourselves.

Hang on - does this mean we're finally growing up??? Surely shome mishtake ...

Sharon J said...

Growing up? What does that mean?

Coffee and Vanilla said...

Oh, I almost forgot, thank you for adding me to your links. I did the same.