Living WITH The Earth

Living on the earth is easy, we all do it without giving much thought to it. But how about living with the earth?

We’ve been blessed with a beautiful planet that, if treated properly in order to give nature a chance to do things the way they were intended, would provide for all of our basic needs; there would be enough nutritious food, clean water and shelter for everybody.

But we don’t.

Most of us choose to just live on the planet instead of living in harmony with it. We no longer follow the natural cycles of life, whether that’s our own lives or those found in everything natural that surrounds us. We’ve built a society where living in peace and harmony with the earth is actually the more difficult option, but surely it should be the easiest and most natural thing to do? Shouldn’t understanding nature’s cycles, including the natural cycles of our own bodies, be instinctive or at least learned through the generations so that we ‘just know’ rather than something we have to teach ourselves and strive to achieve? Shouldn’t respect for the environment be an established standard rather than something we need to reminded of? Shouldn’t we naturally prefer food that’s free from chemicals and toxins and from livestock that’s treated humanely rather than weighing up what’s best for the earth and everything that’s a natural part of it against what’s cheapest for us?

Many hundreds of years ago people lived in closer harmony with the earth but eventually man became materialistic. Once that happened, there was no stopping us and these days, those of us who still try to live as natural a life as we can, and who truly care about the environment and want to preserve this beautiful planet are still all too often seen as ‘a bit weird’. I’ve been called a new age hippie, a tree hugger, an old witch, an eco-warrior, and a green trendy and while I suppose I’m all of those things in differing degrees (except green trendy - there’s nothing trendy about me), they’ve been said in a derogatory manner as if caring about our environment is wrong!

We can’t hide behind ignorance. We all KNOW how important it is to care for this planet and yet so many still do far less than they‘re able, if they actually do anything at all.

Why?

Sharon J xx

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Stuff vs. Memories

My daughter and I were chatting last night and the subject eventually came round to the way people are always wanting more - something bigger, better, flashier, more impressive and always more expensive.

She said that she’d much rather look back on a life filled with memories of adventures and experiences that had made an impact on her life, even if only on a spiritual level, because buying stuff doesn’t create lasting memories, not unless there’s been some real blood, sweat and tears put into actually getting it, and those who continuously buy new stuff don’t generally do that.

Do you remember the nights you spent just watching the TV and look back with pleasure? Do you look back on all those days your kids spent in front of the TV playing computer games and smile, laugh or even cry at the wonderful memories? Do you look at your sofa and feel warmed by the memory of buying it?

Do you remember the nights you spent with family and friends and look back with pleasure? Do you look back on all those days your kids spent playing in the woods with you, or learning how to ride a bike, or watching a bird bathe in a puddle and smile, laugh or even cry at the wonderful memories? Do you look at that old sofa and remember cuddles with the kids on it when they were younger?

Things are just things but love, laughter, friendship and experiences are what makes our lives special.

Sharon J xx

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2009 - Wishing You Peace

I think we all agree that it would be far better if there were peace on earth instead of the myriad wars that are being fought across the globe but one thing I’m certain of is that unless we find peace within ourselves, there will never truly be peace on a world-wide or even local basis.

You don’t have to go far before you see people using threatening behaviour. Sometimes I guess they do it because the person they’re threatening just isn’t able to see sense through any other means but mostly I think it’s down to their own lack of peace within themselves. They’re wound up, feel the world owes them something, that they have more right to something than others have, or that they need to remove a ‘problem’ that’s getting in their way. The problem can, of course, be perceived rather than real, such as in cases where one person punishes another for ‘looking at my bird’ or whatever.

Lack of self confidence, low self esteem, a society that places more value of material worth than on human relationships, they all play their part in creating unrest. I know, because I've been there.

Only when we’re happy with what we have and the path we’ve chosen for ourselves, when we respect the opinions of others without judgement and accept that we must live and let live can we truly feel at peace with the world and those who live in it. It isn't easy, but certainly a goal worth trying to achieve.

I wish you all peace in 2009. True, lasting peace that’s within you and reflects in everything you do.

Sharon J xx

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The Importance of Contentment

One thing I’ve noticed this past year is that even though my health took a nose dive and the road back to having something resembling my normal strength has been slow and tedious and there's still a lot of climbing to do I’ve felt far more contented, especially during the latter half of the year. Not as contented as I’d like to be, but certainly enough to make a difference.

I know that contentment has come through making a conscious decision to simplify my life. I no longer wanted drama and intrigue to be part of it, I didn’t want to be surrounded by useless gadgets and gizmos that I really didn’t need, I no longer wanted to be bogged down by clutter, not only in the home but in my mind too, and I wanted the freedom to potter through life in a way that suited me without constant interference and demands from others. I wanted to get out of the financial mess I was in and start actually seeing the trees instead of just the woods.

That contentment has made other changes easier. When I was discontented with life I’d go on a shopping spree, trying to find some kind of happiness in material things, and while I did indeed get a high from buying stuff, that high lasted a very short time. Then I’d need another dose. And another. Spending became like a drug. Once I started feeling more contented with my life I no longer felt the need to fill in the gaps with stuff, because those gaps simply weren’t there anymore. Spending less made saving easier, and saving more meant my debts started to disappear more quickly. Contentment, I noticed, was having a positive snowball effect. Not only did my goals help me gain that contentment, the contentment itself led to the goals being far more achievable. A win-win situation all round.

Once I’d rid myself of the majority of toxic people in my life I found myself feeling far happier around those I do appreciate. Whereas the poisonous vipers were shutting me in before, I was opening up more, being myself again, understanding who I was and what my relationships meant to me. Without the negative influences I was feeling far more contented.

Getting rid of some of the physical clutter in my life taught me that I really don’t need things just because I think I need them. Yes, sometimes it was hard to let go but I learned that letting go of some things frees up space for other, more important things. The same goes for mind clutter. Spending time worrying over things that I can’t change, figuring out my next move in order to stop the toxic people from bringing me down… all those things were rolling around my mind, stopping me from living in the moment. When you’re contented, living in the moment becomes so much easier.

Discontent is soul destroying, expensive and makes life far more complicated than it need be. And while we all feel discontent creeping up on us now and then, what’s important is that we grab it as soon as it appears and take a good look at where it came from. Once you know what you’re dealing with, it’s so much easier to banish it from your life again. A little adjustment here, a tweak there… that’s generally all it takes. Sometimes even acceptance. Occasionally bigger changes will be needed but when you’re generally content with life otherwise, even those are easier to deal with.

Sharon J xx

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Stepping Close to 2009

Ever since Christmas Day I’ve found myself reflecting over the year that has passed and thinking about where I’m heading. I’ve not been consciously making resolutions as such, but I’ve given far more serious thought to the mistakes I’ve made this year and how I can avoid them next year, the things I’ve done well this year and whether or not I can improve on them, and the path I want to follow during 2009.

I’ve never really found myself feeling like this at the end of the year before. I’ve never been one for resolutions because they generally get broken anyway, but I think the fact that I’m starting to creep towards 50 now has been playing a role in this. I want to enjoy my life, and I want to enjoy it in a way that feels right for me.

Health

A Ward at Salford Royal Hospital - a place I don't want to see during 2009!

My health is one of the things that’s been foremost on my mind recently. I know I can’t turn the clocks back and live the life I once lived but I can take steps to keep myself out of hospital and as well as possible. I know I’ve been playing with fire recently in more ways than one and could so easily end up regretting it, so certain things need to be changed. I want to squeeze as much as I can out of life and I can’t do that unless I improve my health. I can’t re-grow my bowel or unclog my arteries but I can live a healthier lifestyle and take my medication more seriously, both of which will act as a preventative against my condition falling into further decline and will also help improve my stamina and thus the quality of my life.

Family

My family have also been strongly on my mind. There’s a link between them and my wanting to improve my health situation, quite simply that I doubt any of them would want me to be in a worse state than I need to be or, given the worse case scenario but one that could easily happen, dead.

Paul, when he was a boy


Lise and her partner, Bjørn


LM, taken last summer

But I’ve been thinking about my relationships with various family members too. What mistakes have I made? What can I do to help my family more? What do I expect from them? How can relationships be improved?

Friends

And then there are friends. I’ve written several times before about toxic friends and why we don’t need them in our lives and while I’ve managed to rid myself of most, there are still a couple that drag me down. I don’t need people who make me feel bad about myself - when you’ve lived with an emotional abuser for as long as I did, you very quickly start believing the things they tell you and that’s VERY unhealthy. I’m incredibly susceptible to that kind of suggestion now so will have to ensure that I don’t have ANY of those kind of people in my life anymore. The same goes for those who take pleasure in opposing my opinions ‘just for the sake of it’. I like a good discussion as much as the next person, but I’m sick of just about everything I say to certain people being turned into a debate. I just don’t need that.

On the other hand there are friendships that I need to cultivate more. Those people who I feel truly comfortable around, the ones who accept me for who I am without placing any conditions on our friendship, they’re the ones I want to spend time with. They’re the ones who boost me and help me believe that I’m capable of being whatever I want to be. They see beyond my limitations and accept that I sometimes need to push the boundaries and try things that may or may not work out, even though they maybe wouldn’t try them themselves.

Friends can, of course, be family members too.

For the first time in too long I’ve started taking my life seriously. Instead of thinking about de-cluttering, getting rid of debts and worrying over the environment I’ve started thinking about ME and how I can improve my life on a more personal level. After all, if you don‘t respect your emotional and physical needs, no amount of financial security or green living is going to make you happy. Our own sense of well-being is what everything else is built upon.

This coming year I’m going to be who I am regardless of what others think of me, take serious steps to improve my health, enjoy being part of a small family unit, put myself where I want to be, and surround myself with people who I enjoy whilst still trying to be as green and frugal as I can.

Sharon J xx

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Dare To Dream

Hi, I'm Laura from Move to Portugal.

Sharon recently wrote a post about Fear of Failure and I left a comment quoting something that I had once read, which has always held true to me, 'I have no fear of failure, only a fear of not trying'.

This is quite an apt quote for us considering the journey we are on.

When we first started out on our mission to pay off the mortgage and move to Portugal we didn't tell anyone, we thought that friends and family would think we lived in a dream world, so we decided to keep quiet. As time has gone on we've slowly let people in on the secret and nearly everyone has the same reaction, it's impossible, you'll never afford it.

I never quite know how to react to this. It's hard to talk to people about how living frugally, having a 'less is more attitude' and not wanting to own the biggest house on the block, means that you can achieve your dreams. It's hard to get people to realise that once you stop living a consumer lifestyle then life becomes so much easier. This is something you have to realise yourself.

My philosophy is to aim high, if you don't quite make it to the top then at least you might land somewhere near it.

Recommended reading: Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominquez and Vicki Robin.

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Image Credit: Portugese Eyes

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Learning To Say No

Since starting my journey towards a simpler life, one of things I’ve had to learn is to say “No” more often.

Once upon a time, no matter what people asked of me, if I was able to do it, I did. Rarely was there any real gratitude shown and all too often, when I asked for a favour myself, that person was either too busy or just unwilling for whatever reason. Not everybody was that way, obviously, but too many were.

The fact is, people will keep on taking whatever you offer them and all the helping out I was doing was starting to wear me down. I spent so much time and energy doing things for other people that I found myself increasingly unable to do the things that actually meant a lot to me. My life, it seemed, belonged to others.

Nowadays I’m much more inclined to say no although to start with it did feel pretty weird. I’d find myself having to offer reasons for not being able to help but the truth of the matter is, nobody has any right to demand another’s time and an excuse really isn’t necessary. If you’ve said no then you clearly have a reason and have every right to decide yourself whether you want to share that reason or not.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we shouldn’t extend a helping hand but we don’t need to say yes to everything that’s asked of us. The following are a few basic guidelines that I use now when deciding whether or not to say yes.

Who is this person?
Sounds like a strange question because in all likelihood, if you didn’t already know them, they wouldn’t be asking a favour of you, but what I mean by this is what kind of person are they? Would they be happy to help you out when you need it, or are they blood suckers who just keep on taking without ever giving much back in return? I don’t mean that they have to do the same kind of favours for you, or even of the same magnitude - everything depends on a person’s abilities etc - but if they don’t show willing often enough (or ever, for that matter), start saying no more often.

Am I comfortable doing this?
I’ve put my life in danger to help others out and while I was ok doing that because the situation was serious, that wouldn’t always be the case because there are some things I really cannot do because they’d either be irresponsible of me (what would have happened if I had been hurt - who would have looked after my family?) or just plain difficult. If I’m not comfortable doing something, then unless there’s really no other way and somebody’s life depended on it, I’d say no.

Should this person be asking this of me?
People who know us well should know our limitations but still I’m often asked to do something that’s beyond what anybody should really expect. Once upon a time, I’d have done my best to do it anyway but nowadays I just think that they ought not have asked in the first place and put me in a position where I feel I have to help and simply say no.

Could this person do this for him/herself?
One example of this was people constantly asking me for loans even though they had at least as much and often more coming in than I have. If I can budget and make my money last from one pay day to the next and save a bit too, then surely they can. By helping out with loans the whole time, I wasn’t really do them any favours so instead I offered to help them set up a budget, an offer that has been declined by each of those people who‘d regularly ask, so now I just say no. As they say “give a man a fish and you’ll feed him for a day, teach him to fish and you’ll feed him for a lifetime”.

How important is the favour?
There’s a big difference between getting out of bed at two in the morning to take somebody to the hospital because a loved one’s just been admitted with a serious illness and could die and picking somebody up from a night club because they've spent their taxi fair home. If I don’t really think the person should be asking the favour of me, then I say no.

What are my own priorities?
Do I have the time or energy to do this? How important is it compared with the plans I’d already made for my time? Can I afford to do it and, if not, are they able to pay themselves (or even willing to)? If I feel that my own priorities are more important - and this is one where I often fell down before because I put other people’s need (real or perceived) before myself all too often - then I say no.


Since starting to say no more often and give more consideration to my own needs instead, some people have stopped contacting me as much. Fine. I know where I stand with them now. Those who really care about me understand that you can’t always do everything for everybody and have started expecting less of me. I still help out when and how I can, but I don’t jump around like a puppet on a string anymore and am actually spending time helping myself instead.

Sharon J xx

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Image Source: Tyla75

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A Few Words About Comments

We’ve recently had some interesting debate happening in the comments of various posts here and that’s a good thing. An exchange of opinions is never a bad thing UNLESS it’s done in a way that screams “my opinion is the only right one and you’re a moron for thinking otherwise”, which unfortunately some of the comments have done. Just a few - most have been well thought through opinions that haven’t had a pointing finger attached to them, but we all know how a few can ruin things for the majority.

Please, please continue commenting - a healthy exchange of opinion helps us evolve, and while most of us generally choose to spend time with people whose opinions are intrinsically close to our own, when we’re out in the world we’ll always come across other thoughts and ideas that can and often do help us form our own views. Blogging is part of being ‘out in the world’. But just as I doubt very many would fly up and screech their opinions at all and sundry in real life, so it should be here.

Please remember that, unlike the guy in the image above, those who read your comments are real people with real feelings, regardless of whether they choose to be open about who they are or prefer to anonymity that the Web offers. You never know who may be reading or how you may be hurting them.

Bear in mind that if you're diplomatic in the way you put your view across, others will be far more likely to listen and respond.

Let’s remain open minded towards others views and treat each other with the respect that everybody, regardless of their view, deserves. Please.

Sharon J

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Image Credit: Philipp Daun

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So Who Does Christmas Belong To?

I’ve seen an awful lot of arguments happening on various Internet boards recently, all with the same theme: who does Christmas belong to and who should be ‘allowed’ to celebrate it? Some of those arguments have gotten really out hand, with name calling and threats to personal safety being thrown about.

I believe that Christmas should be celebrated by anybody who wishes to join in the festivities and that, as long as they’re not hurting others, they should be allowed to celebrate in whatever way suits them, be they Christians, Pagans, Jews, Atheists or whatever else.

Many Pagans will argue that Christmas (Yule) originally belonged to them with the counterargument from Christians being that the word CHRIST in Christmas makes it theirs. Everybody has their own opinion but shouldn’t it foremostly be a time when we can practice peace by showing tolerance towards other religions or lifestyles, and stop arguing over who it belongs to and how it should be celebrated?

Here in the UK we’ve been calling this winter celebration Christmas for a good few hundred years. Before that it was known as Yule, a celebration of the Winter Solstice (the rebirth of the sun). Whether or not we should or shouldn’t call it Christmas is of no real relevance to me - it’s just a name - what’s important is that we can accept that it’s a time when each and every one of us should be able to do whatever we feel is right on that day. For some, it means absolutely nothing more than presents, for others it’s a time during which they can feel close to and give thanks to their God, for others it’s a time when they can drink and be merry. No doubt there are many, many more reasons why people celebrate Christmas too. Or even why they don't, whatever the case may be.

If we choose to celebrate, can’t we at least do that in peace, without needing to justify why we choose to do so as Atheists, Pagans or Worshippers of Little Green Men from Mars? Nobody has a supreme ‘right’ to Christmas, it’s just a day really, like any other. There’s no proof that Jesus was born that day (in fact, it’s highly unlikely) and nowhere does it say that you have to believe in God (as depicted in the Bible) in order to celebrate it.

Personally, I don’t believe it really has much to do with religion anymore at all. It’s about money. Even if everybody stopped celebrating on grounds of their faith, Christmas would still live on. The money grabbing capitalists would see to that. If anybody, they're probably who Christmas really belongs to these days.

Sharon J xx

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Image Credit: Tom Stardust

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Simplicity Isn’t Always A Happy Face & Clean Aprons

I read quite a few blogs in the course of a week, some daily, some less frequent, but one thing I’ve noticed about a lot of the simplicity blogs is that the general picture that’s given is one where the woman is happy pottering about her home and garden, cleaning and cooking and growing her veggies. She knits, sews, shops locally and ethically and the impression I get is that everything’s always rosy in the simple household.

Well I’m trying to live simply. I cook mostly from scratch using fresh, local ingredients and although I can’t keep my house as nice as I’d like, I do clean (obviously). I chat with my daughter, advise her where I can, cuddle my pets and am generally contented with my lot. But that isn’t always the case.

Some days I’m moody. I don’t feel like cooking, I don’t want to clean, my pets get on my nerves, my daughter annoys me, and everything can go to the place that’s very hot. What’s more, I think that’s ok. Nobody’s happy or even contented all of the time. Things get us down sometimes and although I’d say I’m generally a positive person, sometimes I just allow myself to feel miserable. We humans have a whole range of emotions and as long as we’re not deliberately hurting somebody, or even know we’re hurting somebody even if it isn’t deliberate, I really don’t see the point in denying ourselves any of them.

Just as I think it’s dangerous that magazines portray women as only being attractive if they look young, slim and full of energy, I think it can be equally as dangerous to those trying to live simply - especially those who are new to simple living - that the whole concept is portrayed in a way that will have us believe it’s all smiles and clean aprons. Life, no matter how you choose to live, just isn’t always how we expect it to be. It’s rather like a rose - the beautiful flower is what we notice most of the time but there are always those other times when the thorns will catch you and the beauty of the flowers seems to fade for a short while.

Simple living isn’t a recipe for complete contentment and never will be, but in my experience it does bring more contentment into life. Just don’t expect it to eradicate every thorn and allow yourself to be moody sometimes. You’re only human, after all.

Sharon J

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Image Credit: Scandinavian Treasures

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You Come Into This World With Nothing

As posted on Wednesday, I’ve recently attended a funeral. There were tears - tears from the family for the loss of their mother and grandmother and tears from friends of those who’d lost somebody they loved because they were hurting so much. It’s hard to see somebody you care about hurting like that and knowing that apart from offering a shoulder to cry on, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to ease their pain. But such is the nature of a funeral and the grieving process is important.

What I really want to write about though is something one of the family friends said at the wake. She’s a 90 year old Jamaican woman who I’ve also known since I was a teenager and who’s one of the wisest, wittiest ladies you could wish to meet; a real scream and even at her advanced age, she hasn’t changed one bit.

A group of us younger (!!) ones were stood in the garden when she came out to join us. At that point we were talking about the garden, which is terribly overgrown but with its old brick walls and some wonderful climbers and shrubs, could be turned into a real haven for both humans and wildlife. Leigh, the lovely old Jamaican, speaking to my friend Carol, who lives in the house with her Dad, said something along these lines:

“Don’t just stand there talking about it, do something about it. You come into this world with nothing so be prepared to leave with nothing. Make every day special and enjoy life while you have it because what you’re left with when you leave will mean nothing.”

So true.

Sure, somebody else might be able to use what we leave, but is that what life’s about? Gathering stuff and money to pass on to others? Or should we be getting the most out of the time we have on this planet, enjoying every day for what it’s worth? That doesn’t necessarily mean spending like a maniac, but if you want that garden and you have the money and resources to do it, then get it done! If you want that holiday in the Caribbean and you can afford it, then go. If you want to learn to knit then don’t just talk about it, get an instruction book, some wool and needles and start knitting! Do the things you want to do while you’re alive and well and able to do them.

I try to live by that philosophy myself and have done for most of my life but even more so since coming close to death myself. I realised just how quickly it can all be over and I’m damned if I’m going to just sit around waiting to do things “some day in the future”.

If there’s anything left over when my time comes, then hopefully my children will put it to good use themselves, but I’m not planning on leaving anything. I have my life to live and if anybody happens to think that’s selfish then tough. I’ve passed on my genes, for what they’re worth, I’ve fed them, clothed them, taught them and nurtured them - the rest is for me to enjoy in whatever way I see fit.

You do indeed come into the world with nothing and no matter what you do, you can’t take a damned thing with you when you leave.

Sharon J

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Image Credit: Clarity

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Comparing Ourselves To Others - The Good and The Bad

When we compare ourselves to others we can often feel negative because they're better at something than we are or have something we don’t. BUT comparing ourselves with others can also motivate us to do better. I know that when I realised just how good a saver my mum has been, even though times have been very hard for her, I compared myself and how I’d got into debt instead of saving and was motivated to sort my finances out and save more myself.

There are areas where comparison is natural, like during sports events. But in those situations there are rules to be followed whereas life in general has no such rules.

Comparing ourselves to others has almost become a cultural norm in the UK and undoubtedly in many other parts of the world, too.

There’s a huge difference between comparing yourself to others with envy and learning from their successes and failures though. Isn’t it better to use comparisons to improve rather than berate yourself?

Life isn’t some kind of competition - it’s a personal journey to be lived in the way that’s best suited to the individual. When we start trying to live like ‘everybody else’, we end up losing our own sense of purpose and can even forget who we actually are. I know all about that because it’s happened to me and as much as we may believe it, the grass truly isn’t greener on the other side.

It’s really just a matter of putting more focus on going where you want to go with your life and who you really are instead of trying to follow the pathes of others? When you’re enjoying who you are, what you're doing and what you have, it’ll won’t matter that you’re not great at drawing, dancing the jitterbug or doing cartwheels, don’t own your own home, drive a fancy car or earn as much as your neighbour. All that will really matter is what you have, what you believe, where you’re heading and what your personal place is in the big scheme of things.

Sharon J

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Releasing Grudges

Image: Archie Mcphee

Haven’t we all borne grudges from time to time? I know I certainly have. I’ve generally been pretty good about them though - I’ve either approached the person who’s the cause of my grudge and talked things through properly or I’ve simply dropped it. There is, in my opinion, simply no point in carrying grudges with us through life.

Bearing a grudge wastes energy. It turns positive energy into negative energy - instead of spending time thinking about the good that surrounds us we spend it, or at least some of it, thinking about how such and such a person has done us wrong. And let’s be honest, all that spent negative energy does us absolutely no good. The situation doesn’t improve but we can often end up feeling wound up over something that’s happened and no amount of grinding over that particular stone will make it un-happened.

Ok, maybe an initial response where we vent some of our negative emotions over what’s happened can be helpful - we all know that bottling things up isn’t good for us - but there comes a point where we either have to deal with it or let go. If we don’t, then every time we happen to run into the person who we consider the cause of our grudge will just continue to release negative energy, and by ‘run in’ I don’t necessarily mean that we meet them on the street, but every time we hear their name mentioned, see a photo with them in, or come across something that reminds us of them, the latter of which can be anything from switching on the TV only to see their favourite programme playing, hear a song they particular liked, or hear somebody use a phrase they often used themselves.

I have plenty of reasons to bear a grudge towards certain people who’ve been part of my life, but now that I’ve expended the initial negative energy needed in order to release some steam, I try to focus on the good things about them. Everybody, even my abusive ex partner, has good sides and just thinking about all the bad things really doesn’t help me move forward.

There are lessons to be learned from everybody we meet. It isn’t always easy to see the lessons at the time, but once we have things at a distance, if we really start to look, they’re there to be found and experience is what we grow on.

Who knows, maybe that person you’re bearing a grudge towards has actually taught you an important life lesson. If that’s the case, be grateful instead of just hanging on to that grudge.

Sharon J

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What’s More Important To You?

Image: Foto-Eye

A while back I put up a poll asking readers what was more important to them. The results were as follows:

Shopping Locally - 28%
Using Car Less - 34%
Cooking From Scratch - 35%
Green Cleaning - 23%
Growing Own Produce - 35%
Reusing & Recycling - 44%
Other - 1%

Of the 67 of you that answered, 44% of you thought reusing and recycling were the most important. I can’t tell you how many people that was as everybody could make multiple choices but I don’t suppose anybody’s surprised by that result. Reusing and recycling are easy things we can all do in our daily lives to help improve the chances of this planet sustaining life as we know it, if not forever (nothing’s forever) but at least for a while yet. A while, in universal terms, being a good few generations. I’m kind of hoping that my descendents will be able to celebrate the turn of another millennium, but maybe that’s too much to ask for. Still, reusing and recycling stuff instead of just tossing it on the landfill does and will make a difference but there’s still a long way to go. I still need to sort out my bin cupboard so that I can recycle more than I do at the moment and it’s really important that ONLY recyclable stuff goes in the recycling bins. If it’s contaminated, it can quite easily end up on a mountainous landfill in India. Just take a look at this post by Indian Earth for more on this. It’s really quite shocking.

Cooking from scratch was right up there alongside recycling so it’s clear that more people want to know exactly what’s going into their food these days. Or is it just that the blog attracts those who like good food and know how to prepare it? Perhaps a mix of both. I still see plenty of people filling their supermarkets trolleys with rubbish but a few of my friends who have never taken the time to learn to cook before have actually starting making an effort these days so the message is obviously spreading. I still use the odd packet sauce and have some tins and things in the cupboard for days when I simply can’t make a meal (when my energy is rock bottom) but in general our food is made from scratch and not only is it healthier that way, it’s cheaper too.

Related to cooking is growing your own produce, another one that was right at the top with 35%. I can’t say that comes as any surprise - allotments have flown out of the door around these parts and even a friend who I would never have thought would bother with anything even remotely related to growing vegetables asked me whether it’s possible to grow them in pots as he’d been thinking about giving it a go. I have to admit that, apart from herbs, I haven’t grown anything edible for years, but that’s going to change. I’m getting stronger all the time so all I need now is somebody to make a least part of my garden maintainable and I’ll be out there with my gardening gloves and watering can next year.

It’s good to see that using the car less is considered important with 34% of you. Y’know, I think I’ve even noticed that there aren’t quite as many cars on the roads around town these days. Whether that’s because of people’s ethical choices or because of the price of fuel at the moment I really don’t know but whatever it is, it’s a good thing. Now we just need to get through to those driving their whopping great 4x4s for no apparent reason.

I’d have thought, with so many cooking from scratch and growing their own, that more than 28% would have found shopping locally important, but obviously not. Perhaps some of you just don’t have any local shops that are easily accessible or that the choice just isn’t good enough to make the trek worthwhile. I know I have trouble finding everything I need in local shops and often have to weigh up the environmental cost of using the car to get to the farm shops against nipping to the supermarket but I do prefer to support local producers and retailers whenever I can. Even at the supermarket I look for UK produce and the closer to home the better. Asda are at least good at labelling their fruit and veg with not only the country of origin but, if it’s UK produced, the area. I also try to stick with seasonal produce because even though I can get most things all year round now, I don’t want to support the forced production of food in greenhouses that use huge amounts of energy.

I’m not perfect though, and yesterday I bought strawberries. Yes, strawberries in October! Only because LM is really fussy and won’t eat any other fruit than strawberries, raspberries and blueberries though and I really do want to get as much fruit and veg into her as I can.

What really surprised me was that so few found green cleaning important. Only 23%. In several posts I’ve written about the damage that chemicals do to the water, the creatures that live in it, the environment as a whole, not to mention what it does to us but still it’s right down at the bottom of the list. I really don’t understand that because green cleaning isn’t difficult, in fact it’s easier than using the plethora of cleaning agents that can be found under the sink in most homes. Just a few products will do most jobs around the house without polluting the planet. If you're interested in reading what I've already written, you can look here and here and here. Maybe I should write more about this.

Sharon J

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The Fear of Failure

Image: Fotomoe

Thankfully, failure - or what society perceives as failure - has never been something that’s worried me, but I know plenty of people who have lived their entire lives so far without ever taking a risk because they’re sure they wouldn’t be able to accept failure. Either they have extremely high expectations of themselves or they fear that others will ridicule them.

Well guess what? Others DO and WILL ridicule us when we ‘fail’. But those people are generally suffering from low self esteem themselves so therefore love to see others trip up - it makes them feel less of a failure in their own lives and if my ‘failures’ help them in some way then so be it. I can’t change how they view my life so I just have to accept it.

What can be changed is the way we view our own lives and the expectations we have to ourselves. This is something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit recently - mostly because of a friend who always follows the safe path even though she’d love to turn her life around and do something more interesting.

Now I’ve taken a few silly risks in my time , been maybe just a bit too spontaneous, but I’m still here to tell the tale and my life’s pretty good. Sometimes things have worked out the way I’d hoped and sometimes not, but I honestly don’t feel as if I’ve failed at anything.

Failure is just a perception of the outcome of an event but the way I see it, everything we do in life carries a lesson with it and regardless of what I’ve done, my life’s been enriched because of the them. I’ve learned a lot and experienced a lot - life’s been an adventure and isn’t that the way it should be?

I’ve upped sticks and moved loads of times without worrying about my children’s inheritance or the fact that other family members would comment about it being time to put down some roots. I’ve been homeless with three kids and a dog, sleeping in a car, in cabins and in friends’ houses but even that was an adventure and we all learned loads from it. I’ve quit my safe job for something I’d rather be doing and although it didn’t turn out quite as I’d hoped, I learned a whole load from that too. We managed fine, but had to be frugal. Not a hardship, really. I’ve started college courses and quit because they weren’t for me, and even though I was told it’s about time I learned to stick at something, I’d learned stuff I wouldn’t otherwise have known. And why stick at something you’re not enjoying just because others think you should? Life’s too short! It’s funny how those same people forget that I managed to get a B grade in social sciences A level without attending a single class though! A lot of people will always focus on the negative but it’s up to us whether we let it bother us or not.

Even my kids who have, according to others, “been pulled from pillar to post” agree that our life was an adventure - they met a lot of people and did a lot of stuff that most haven’t done. They learned a lot. Lise feels it’s time to settle down, LM wants to continue on the adventure, and Paul… well, he doesn’t care. He’s happy wherever and whatever.

Obviously I’m not advocating jumping off Tower Bridge just to see what it feels like or selling your grandmother’s jewellery in the hope that she won’t notice - things like that can get you into deep trouble and can have an adverse effect on others - but as long as you’ve considered what the possible outcomes are likely to be and nobody’s going to get hurt and you won’t end up behind bars (and I’m not talking pub landlord here), taking a risk can be enriching, educating and incredibly thrilling.

If there’s something you really want to do but don’t dare, all you need to do is weigh up the likely results, ease up on yourself and stop worrying about what others will think. This is YOUR life - not your parents’, your children’s or your friends. Only you know how to live it. Failure really isn't an option simply because it doesn't exist.

Sharon J

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Living Off Of A Little

Image: sirwiseowl

Since becoming ill and having to give up work, the money the state are willing to give me through income support and disability living allowance are all I have. It’s not a lot but I’m not complaining because I manage just fine. There isn’t room for many luxuries but then I don’t need them either so that doesn’t really matter.

What amazes me though is the number of people who say “you seem to be doing well on benefits” as if I’m fiddling the system somehow. I don’t know whether they think I’m selling imported fags and booze on the side, dealing drugs or running a secret brothel but I can assure you that I’m not. My benefits are my ONLY source of income.

By ‘doing well’ these people are referring to the fact that I’ve paid off a relatively large chunk of my debt, saved quite a bit towards my new kitchen and can afford to eat out occasionally and take a holiday once a year. But the only reason I’m ‘doing well’ is because I’m frugal. I’m careful with my pennies and never buy anything unless I either really need it or absolutely love it. Things that ‘might come in handy’ or that are fashionable fads just don’t get past the door. I repair things rather than buy new and I look for stuff that’s either second-hand or on offer. Most times, these things are better quality than they would have been had I paid a lot more for them and certainly better than their full-price, brand new counterparts at the same price. I look for things that will stand the test of time so tend to go for classic or quirky things rather than what’s fashionable.

I use websites like Quidco for money-back and use just one credit card for most spending and then pay it off immediately so that I can take advantage of the cash-back. Price comparison sites are always useful and I visit MoneySavingExpert regularly to pick up tips and hints.

I stick to a list when I’m grocery shopping, menu plan and batch cook so that there’s as little waste as possible. Next year I’m hoping to grow some of my own vegetables too, although that depends on what my health’s like at the beginning of the season.

By cutting back on stuff doesn’t make my life any worse - in fact, most of it enriches my life because I’m able to enjoy a few luxuries too. The occasional meal out with family or friends, a visit to the cinema or the theatre, a trip to Norway to see my family and friends there, or a holiday just for the sake of getting a break. But even then I look for the best deals and I still live frugally on holiday, although perhaps not quite as frugally as otherwise.

Tracking helps too. Knowing exactly where my money goes is important to me - how would I know where to cut back otherwise? I track all my expenditure, whether it’s bills, shopping, or anything else. I honestly think a lot of people would be shocked if they realised just how much they spend on ‘rubbish’ - stuff they really don’t need.

I’m not ‘tight’ - I often invite family and friends round for a meal and I’m happy to help out those in need - I just don’t throw my money away. That way I ‘do well’ on my relatively small income and although frugality isn’t glamorous, it’s very satisfying and means I can live in a way I’m happy with on a relatively small income. I really don’t have much to complain about.

Sharon J

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Paul - A Prime Example of Simplicity

My son’s 30 and has what’s termed as ‘profound learning difficulties’. When he was six months old I was told that he would be ‘a vegetable’ (the doctor’s actual term) and was advised to put him into care and forget him. Yes, that’s actually what I was told.

I didn’t. I was just 17 but I knew that with my mum's support, I could give him a life he deserved.

He was 3 ½ when he took his first step and nowadays we call him ‘the roadrunner’ because he dashes along, making it practically impossible for even fit people to keep up, let alone me with my dodgy legs or my mum on her aging pins. He can dress himself (although needs to be reminded put on clean clothes otherwise he’d wear the same things for a year!), he can bath himself if he’s supervised and reminded to rinse himself off properly and given help to wash his hair and get dry, and although he can’t prepare a meal, he can eat without help (although I have to admit that a good deal of it tends to land on his t-shirt or his lap) and he can perform simple household tasks like emptying the rubbish bin, feeding the pets, and vacuuming the floor (but not if it involves pulling the furniture out). In other words, he’s far from a vegetable.

He can’t speak but has an amazing ability to make himself understood through gestures and body language although you’d have to meet him to really understand the extent of his talent (and it IS a talent). He can’t count to more than 3 or write anything other than his name and some crosses (kisses) and he can’t manage complex computer games or even board games. He can sit for hours ‘counting’ pennies and stacking them up though, and even longer with his Magnetix and believe me, he loves nothing more than helping out.

Paul is kindness personified. As long as it’s within his capabilities, he’ll do anybody a favour, and most often he’ll give it a go even if he can’t do it. Unfortunately, the latter sometimes leads to problems because he‘ll have a go at something he hasn‘t been asked to do (like when he decided to change a plug or the time he drilled a hole in the wall). He’s only trying to be useful, though.

He loves animals, nature and sunshine but he doesn’t really complain if it’s raining and he gets wet. He hates it if he thinks people are being unfair to others and cries if a person or animal gets hurt. He’ll comfort you when you’re feeling down and he’s a master at making people laugh. In fact, it doesn’t take much to make him laugh - watching The Simpsons has him in fits!

Paul doesn’t demand much. He doesn’t ask for the latest Cds or DVDs but is happy when he gets one. He doesn’t demand the latest fashions but is happy when he wears something new (unless we’re talking trainers, in which case he’d rather wear the old ones until they fall off his feet). He’s perfectly happy with second-hand furniture in his room and at the moment he’s more than happy with a mattress on the floor in his nan’s room (there’s no room for a proper bed) just because he’s close to her and can be there for her should she need help in the night. He doesn’t want to dine out at fancy restaurants but thinks it’s fun to pop into the bakers for a cake and a cup of hot chocolate now and then, and he neither smokes nor drinks alcohol. He does drink too much milk for his own good, though.

What really upsets him is the way some people react. The stares, the comments made within earshot, and the sniggers from the ‘uneducated’. These things make him both sad and angry.

Recently I told him that I was planning to take him away on holiday. He hasn’t been anywhere for over 2 years - not even as much as a day trip - so I thought that being as he spends the majority of his time either helping Mum with the shopping, helping her with my very ill and dependant father, or just doing some bits and pieces to help Mum around the house, he’d appreciate a break. Alas, Paul didn’t want to go.

Sunshine, beaches, the warm sea, karaoke bars and hotel type join-in entertainment, all of which he usually loves, just weren’t enough to entice him away from his nan. His answer was that she needs him with her to help look after Grandad and to be able to carry the shopping home. That’s a kind and incredibly unselfish heart!

When I see ‘kids’ making demands on their parents for the latest computer game consoles, the latest designer gear, the best holidays and lord only knows what else, and still they’re sulky and miserable and complain that they’re hard done by, I can’t help but think how much better Paul’s life actually is. He’s happy in his simplicity.

Next time somebody says “he’s simple, isn’t he?”, I shall take it as a compliment. He is, he's happy that way and I love him for it.

Sharon J

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The Effects of Self Neglect

Image: Rob Lee

Due to a combination of physical illness, mild depression and my general apathy I recently went through a phase - a relatively long phase - where I neglected myself far too much. The consequences, sadly, were not good.

More often than not I wouldn’t bother to get dressed. By the time my feed was finished being pumped into me it was already past noon and as I knew I’d be knackered and heading for bed again by 8 o’clock, there just didn’t seem much point. I’d rarely be going anywhere, anyway.

When I did sleep I didn’t sleep well. Ok, so having 2 ½ litres of fluid pumped into me during the night generally means several trips to the loo anyway, but the fact that I’d allowed my bed to become strewn with magazines, books, writing paper, the remote control, the phone and all sorts of other odds and sods wasn’t helping. Instead of clearing it all away every day, I just crawled into bed as it was. Sometimes I only had about two foot of bed available to sleep in and then wondered why I always felt tired in the morning!

I rarely went outside so, although my bedroom window is kept open, I wasn’t getting either enough fresh air or sunshine. I became seriously lacking in vitamin D and the situation just got worse. It was like a vicious circle.

Eventually I pulled myself together and broke the circle. Nowadays I spend the morning in bed catching up with blogging, chatting with friends online, making telephone calls, paying bills, updating my accounts etc etc. In other words, I try to be productive even though I’m not actually up and about. I could go downstairs with my pump but at the moment I’m just not strong enough to keep carrying it up and down the stairs - it just about all I can muster to get up the stairs without it!

Once I’m unhooked, I have a wash and get dressed. One day, when I can eventually afford to have a shower installed, I’ll shower every ‘morning’ too. For the time being I have to make do with a wash though, and a shower at Richard’s when I’m up to it. Hopefully, the occupational therapist will be able to help me with the cost of installing a shower but I’m not banking on it.

What I eat doesn’t actually make any difference to me as very little nutrition is absorbed into my body (hence being intravenously fed) but it does have a psychological affect, as strange as that may seem. When I’m eating properly, I feel better for it. Gone are the countless biscuits and other sweet things that I’d pack in before (I figured if it didn’t matter, I might just as well enjoy myself) and in their place are more healthy options. I still have to be careful how much fruit and raw veg I eat because my bowel can’t process the fibre but looking back now, I don’t know why I imagine I’d enjoy biscuits and cakes more than fresh, wholesome food! It’s ok now and then, but yukky in large amounts! And then there’s the cost involved! What a waste!

Exercise is another area that I was neglecting. Whereas I was getting along well before the bout of illness that knocked me for six at the beginning of the year, once I got out of hospital I kind of gave up for a while. I knew I’d need to keep pushing myself if I was to build up my muscles again (I could hardly walk from the bedroom to the bathroom at that stage) but it all just felt too difficult.

Nowadays I feel much better about myself. There’s still room for improvement - lots of room - but at least now if somebody turns up unexpected I don’t have to be embarrassed because I’m not dressed or the house looks as if wild dogs have run through it. And if I want to go out, all I need to do is pick up my keys and bag and go.

I get out and about as much as I can and if I’m not going out, I try to get some kind of exercise in the house, either by going up the stairs once more than I really need to or doing little things around the house that I would have once felt too tired to do. The results are starting to show - last time I visited the clinic I’d built up 2cm of extra muscle mass : )

I sit for at least half an hour in the sun every time it shines because I really don’t want to lose the muscle mass I’m gradually building up again though vitamin D deficiency. I may well need another ‘jab’ before winter but for the time being I’m making good use of natural resources.

If you’re also suffering through lack of exercise, an unhealthy diet, not getting enough sleep or being indoors too much, remember that if I can do it, you can do it too : )

Sharon J

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Young People

Image: Jeff Epp

I’ve been reading up a bit about money usage amongst the population of the UK and one thing that surprised me was that 16-20 year olds are apparently the group that generally save the most, both in terms of the percentage of their incomes they save and the percentage of the group that are actually using savings accounts actively, even if it's just to put in a little each week.

There’s hardly a day passes where I don’t either hear or read something detrimental about our young people: they’re all a bunch of layabouts with no manners, no respect for others or their property, no care for the future, and no willingness to learn responsibility. I hate listening to that kind of thing because while some youth do fit those categories, it certainly doesn’t apply to all. There are a lot of fantastic young people out there and although some of the friends my daughter brings to the house could do with getting their arses into gear and actually doing something, most are wonderful kids who I love chatting with.

Now when you think that approximately sixty percent of young people are in some form of higher education, for them to be the largest group of savers, a lot of them must be working part-time (I know almost all of my daughter’s friends do). That hardly makes them useless layabouts does it?

And as for responsibility, aren’t they showing that they ARE being responsible by saving? My daughter has refused point blank to get a credit card because she knows she won’t be able to handle it sensibly just yet - the temptation to spend what she doesn’t have would just be too great. Isn’t that showing responsibility? And she isn’t the only one; several of her friends have said the same. Unfortunately, one has gone mad with her credit card and doesn’t understand that the minimum payment is designed to keep her in debt for a very long time but there will always be some.

Also, if the figures are correct and more than half of our young people are either attending college or university, doesn’t that show that they’re they do indeed care about their future? Amongst those I know, most are now preparing to head off to uni after finishing their college courses, one's taking a gap year to do voluntary work somewhere in Asia and LM's off to Norway to rediscover her roots. Only one failed her course and is now kicking her heels (yes, that'd be the same one as has the credit card).

Yes, my daughter and her friends go out on the piss now and then, only to roll in legless at stupid o'clock but LM's never taken her car when she's gone drinking and neither do most of her friends. To my knowledge they've never caused anybody any trouble through seriously inconsiderate behaviour either. And aren't we just a little inconsiderate at times, anyway?

Not all kids hang out on street corners, carry knives, steal or find pleasure through defacing other people's property and although there are some who will never contribute anything worthwhile to society, we really shouldn’t put them all over the same barrel. Sadly, they’re the ones that make the news and the ones that get noticed the most but I really think there's more good amongst young people than they're generally given credit for.

I personally love the company of youths and they seem to enjoy coming to our house so I guess it’s mutual. I certainly hope so, anyway. I shall miss that once Linn Marie leaves, but life goes on and a new chapter starts.

Sharon J

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