Thursday, 9 October 2008
Haven’t we all borne grudges from time to time? I know I certainly have. I’ve generally been pretty good about them though - I’ve either approached the person who’s the cause of my grudge and talked things through properly or I’ve simply dropped it. There is, in my opinion, simply no point in carrying grudges with us through life.
Bearing a grudge wastes energy. It turns positive energy into negative energy - instead of spending time thinking about the good that surrounds us we spend it, or at least some of it, thinking about how such and such a person has done us wrong. And let’s be honest, all that spent negative energy does us absolutely no good. The situation doesn’t improve but we can often end up feeling wound up over something that’s happened and no amount of grinding over that particular stone will make it un-happened.
Ok, maybe an initial response where we vent some of our negative emotions over what’s happened can be helpful - we all know that bottling things up isn’t good for us - but there comes a point where we either have to deal with it or let go. If we don’t, then every time we happen to run into the person who we consider the cause of our grudge will just continue to release negative energy, and by ‘run in’ I don’t necessarily mean that we meet them on the street, but every time we hear their name mentioned, see a photo with them in, or come across something that reminds us of them, the latter of which can be anything from switching on the TV only to see their favourite programme playing, hear a song they particular liked, or hear somebody use a phrase they often used themselves.
I have plenty of reasons to bear a grudge towards certain people who’ve been part of my life, but now that I’ve expended the initial negative energy needed in order to release some steam, I try to focus on the good things about them. Everybody, even my abusive ex partner, has good sides and just thinking about all the bad things really doesn’t help me move forward.
There are lessons to be learned from everybody we meet. It isn’t always easy to see the lessons at the time, but once we have things at a distance, if we really start to look, they’re there to be found and experience is what we grow on.
Who knows, maybe that person you’re bearing a grudge towards has actually taught you an important life lesson. If that’s the case, be grateful instead of just hanging on to that grudge.