Sunday, 12 October 2008

When Time Doesn't Go Far Enough

What should a person do when time just doesn’t stretch far enough to satisfy everybody who wants a piece of it?

I love spending time with people but I also equally love spending time alone. I generally have a decent balance in the two but just lately I’ve felt under pressure to spend more time with some people than I’ve been able. Well, I could spend more time with them but that would mean I’d either have to give up some of my alone time or spend less time with other people. Or a combination of both. I don’t want to do either.

I truly believe that we MUST look after our own needs first and right now I just don’t have the time to give to those who are asking for more of it. I don’t want to hurt them by rejecting them but that’s what usually happens. They don’t seem to understand that there are many people in my life, all of whom I enjoy spending time with because each of them brings something different to my life, and I only have so much to share between them all. Some get more than others, granted, but that’s only natural. Similarly some get very little.

What can I do? Am I being selfish by saying no? Is it me there’s something wrong with when I feel tense and stressed because people are expecting more of me than I’m able to offer?

Sharon J


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Dominic F said...

Interesting Subject but also a tricky one you find yourself in Sharon, The thing is everyone likes different things, so where as you like your alone time, I dont like very much alone time, does this mean that I'm not selfish.... Not at all, the way I see it there is no 'one' answer to the situation you find yourself in, there is always going to be some people that can not understand your reasons of rejection.

But Sharon you are a fantastic person and I am sure those that know you personally will agree with me, :-)

Catz said...

Sharon, I believe that if you are getting stressed by this, then it is a sign that you are on overload. Those that care about you should be aware of this and give you the space you need to re- charge. We are all different with regards to this but although I love company I also need a fair bit of time on my own.

wombat064 said...

Sharon , you are not being selfish, Catz is right beware of overload and those that truly care about you will understand where your at.

There are 2 types of people you need to be aware of....

KLINGONS.. those that just want to hang on you and weigh you down with all their problems.

VAMPIRES... those that have no coping skills of their own and need you to fix everything for them yesterday.

Both will sap you precious energy and will not be around when you need help.

Big Hugs from Australia

Sharon J said...

@ Dominic. I'm guessing that those who seem to think they have some demand on more of my time than I'm willing to give them are people like yourself, who don't particularly enjoy their own company but also those who don't actually have many other people to spend time with thus putting extra pressure on me.

I'm not so sure all of them would agree with your closing comment, though.

@ Catz. If only it were a temporary thing, but it isn't. I don't like spending too much time with any one person (hence why I choose to live alone) and possibly need more "space" than most. I personally don't think anybody has the right to expect anything of anybody but should be either grateful for what they do get or, if they really feel that isn't enough, look elsewhere for people who can give them what they want. It's about compatibility I guess.

@ Wombat. I have a Klingon in my life and one who's both a Klingon and a Vampire but there's also one who is neither and who IS there when I'm in need of help but still I don't feel I can give this person what they want from me. Life's short and there are many people to be with, things to do and places to see :)

Anonymous said...

The person who is neither really doesn't wish to make demands because they have learned to live with their lot but is just a trifle upset at forever getting the begraggled waif that's left over after the vampire and klingon have had their share because you find it so difficult to say no to them

Sharon J said...

Anonymous. Are you absolutely certain you know who the vamprire and klingons are? I think you may be wrong in your assumptions. And anyway, I've actually cut back a LOT on the time I spend with them so they're not the reason why you feel left out. I have quite a few people whose company I truly enjoy and please understand that you're not the only one who would like to see more of me but you know as well as I do that my health condition stops me from doing as much as I'd like so everybody has to put up with whatever they get. Sorry but I'm not going to push myself for anybody as I don't want the stress to land me in hospital again.

Sharon J said...

Oh, and one more thing. My other friends have all shown an interest in my forthcoming holiday even though they're not going. It's little things like that that make a difference when it comes to who I do and don't want to spend time with.

Anonymous said...

I can really relate. While I know that people are good for our souls, so is the simplicity of taking time for you. I think there is incredible strength in having alone time, too many people are scared of it. You have to be your own best friend first before you learn to be anyone elses!

Anonymous said...

p.s. you are never selfish!

Anonymous said...

Feel just like that often - its something for me that is more to do with keeping control over my life and time, than about my enjoyment of company. If I do not have time alone I go mad, and that's not too great for anyone atound me! You are not being selfish anymore than seeing people when you don't want to is being selfless. There is a Buddhist tale about a snake, too long to fully cover here, but its moral is never to leave yourself out of the equation when considering the benefit or detriment of an action.

Sharon J said...

@ Frugal Trenches. I also have a feeling that those who don't enjoy time alone are afraid of something within themselves. Not in all cases, obviously - there are those who are forced to spend more time alone than they'd like and that can be equally as damaging. Oh, and believe me, I can be selfish.

@ CherryRolfe. I'll have to look up the tale about the snake. Not sure whether I'll find it but it's gotta be a worth a google search :)