Friday, 24 October 2008
I had a lousy day yesterday.
My energy levels have fallen all week and yesterday, I hope, was when they hit rock bottom. I woke up at 2.30 am and couldn’t get back to sleep so the tiredness added to the general lack of energy really threw me into a pit of sticky black tar, where just putting one foot in front of the other was an effort.
I stayed in bed until mid-afternoon because, on top of being so damned lethargic, I’d developed a searing stomach ache. They’re not unusual for me - my bowel being no more than about 14 inches long means that wind easily gets trapped there and can’t get out (I can’t, erm… fart, to put it bluntly). The pain can be bloody agonising at times, and yesterday was one of them. I really could have done without that, especially as I was supposed to go to Aldi and get a couple of memory cards that were on one of their special Thursday offers, for my daughter. That obviously didn’t happen.
When I did get up I realised that my planned meal for the day wasn’t going to happen. The stomach pain had eased by then but still I didn’t have the energy to stand in the kitchen and actually make something. Luckily I had some home made beef burgers in the freezer that I’d made last week so I whipped them out for thawing. Actually, whipped isn’t the right description at all - I stressed because I couldn’t find them and Richard, who’d come round to set up my evening trolley for me (an aseptic surface had to be laid out twice a day with sterile bits and bobs so that I can detach/attach my feeding bag) had to dive in and find them instead. I was, to say the least, being a miserable mare. I was snappy, had absolutely no desire to hold a conversation and just wished he’d bugger off again. Not nice, I know, but that’s how it gets to me sometimes. It’s the feeling of uselessness more than anything I think, combined with the frustration of not being able to easily do most of the things I once took for granted, like finding four beef burgers in the freezer!
The post was waiting for me on the table but there was nothing nice there either. No letter to say I’d won a cruise in the Caribbean or even a note from my mum with a tenner in (she does send me the odd bit of money now and then, bless her). No, just a bill for my Ikea card and a horrible letter from the Virgin credit card people telling me that as I still hadn’t paid off my arrears they would be sending the whole amount for debt collection blah blah blah. I’ve been paying off as much as I can but £200 a month is too much so I’m gonna have to call them today and try to make some kind of arrangement.
Anyway, LM came home from work so I quickly fried the aforementioned burgers and popped open a couple of cans of potato gratin (30p from Asda - the same thing used to cost over a quid in Tesco!). The accompanying “salad” was nothing more than a chopped up baby gem lettuce but it had to do - I wasn’t going to start faffing about with all sorts of veg. It was, I figured, better than sod all. Luckily I had enough of everything for three rather than two, because LM’s boyfriend turned up and if there’s one thing I just can’t do, it’s eat comfortably in front of other people who aren’t having any without at least offering them some.
Me: Want some dinner?
Him: You bet. I love your cooking so whatever you’ve got going is fine by me.
Me: It’s only burgers and tinned potatoes (hoping he’d think that being as I wasn’t actually ‘cooking’ as such, he’d not bother)
LM: They’re Mum’s home made burgers (damn - why did you say that?)
Him: Oh, then definitely.
Oh well, so I had to stand and fry a couple more than I’d first thought but I have a perching stool by the cooker so it wasn’t too bad and just so’s you know, I’m not usually that mean, I was just tired. It didn't help though when LM told me that they tasted really bland compared to the last ones we had. Ever felt like aiming something hard at your daughter?
During dinner KT (that’s LM’s fella) asked how I was feeling. “Bloody awful” came the response. He knows all about my condition so didn’t need to dig any deeper, he just asked what he could do to make my day a little bit better. Apart from something that involves illegal herbs, and that wasn’t on the cards, there was nothing I could think of. LM had the answer though: “Just leave her alone,” she said. “When she’s like this, expecting conversation will just wind her up so either shut up and watch the telly or we’ll go upstairs out of the way.” Sensible girl. They went upstairs. Pity they didn’t do the washing up first - I should have thought of that when he asked. It’s still waiting for me now. Oh well… it’s just a few plates, a frying pan and a saucepan. No big deal really.
I finished off the day just veged out in front of the box. I tried to read but couldn’t relax and concentrate; I tried to knit but the kitten (he’s the size of an adult cat now but at just six months, still acts like a kitten) grabbed it and pulled my stitches off the needle. As I was in the middle of turning a heel on a sock, I wasn’t a happy bunny. The kitten’s lucky he didn’t fly through the window!
Today I’m off to do my weekly shop. Fingers crossed it’ll be a better day. Pity it’s raining.
Image Credit: Lorenzo Pierini
Labels: Daily Life