I’m Waaaaaay Behind

My daughter smiled one of those “what on earth are you doing?” kind of smiles when I unpacked my knitting and cross-stitch in Malta, but all I can say is “Good job I took them”.




Because I’ve been ill since my return, I haven’t been able to do any knitting or sewing this week and it’s already Thursday. That means I’ve lost almost a week of making my Crimble pressies and even though I managed to do a bit in Malta, I’m way, way behind. I’d planned on using time spent just sitting in the room or on the roof terrace to keep up to schedule but I hadn’t planned on being brought down by this awful cold when I got home. Normally I’d spend at least a couple of hours every day working on my projects but that just hasn’t happened and now I don’t even know whether some people are actually going to even get their presents in time. If I hadn’t taken them to Malta then some would definitely not be getting anything because there wouldn’t be a snowball’s chance of ever catching up.

I was originally planning to get the tree and other decorations up this weekend too but I can’t see that happening either. I have no energy, my eye is sore and gummed up, my nose and sinuses are blocked, and all in all I’m feeling just a wee bit sorry for myself. Unless something radical happens before the weekend (that’s just one day away, isn’t it?), that tree just isn’t going up.

Can Christmas be postponed by a few weeks this year, please?

Sharon J xx

Changing My Leaves

As I was driving my ‘almost’ daughter home last night, I couldn’t help but noticed how thickly strewn the pavements were with the leaves that are rapidly falling from the trees these days. The dazzling colours can still be enjoyed, but the heavy rain and blustering wind told me that very soon winter will get serious about laying its cold blanket across the country and it’ll all be over for another year.

Seeing the leaf littered pavements made me think about how autumn’s finale is a closing point. Nature will go to rest for a while, having rid itself of the last leaves, leaves that are no longer needed.

Perhaps, I thought, this is a good time to think about what I should be getting rid of too. I’ve been a bit lapse with the decluttering lately - too many other things going on in my mind, issues that needed to be dealt with - but seeing those leaves brought it home to me that this IS the time to get back on track. Just as the trees no longer need those leaves, I have stuff that no longer needs to be part of my life. They’re cluttering me, crowding my space and, to be honest, they’re making me unhappy. Strange really, considering that once upon a time I honestly believed that stuff would do the opposite - that it would make me feel good. Some stuff still does - the stuff that I need and that makes life easier or more pleasant - but a lot of it doesn’t. It’s just there, taking up space and demanding attention that I just don’t want to give it.

So let the decluttering re-begin, I say. Nature knows that it shouldn’t hang on to anything it no longer has a good use for - a lesson a lot of us could learn something from.


Sharon J

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Image Credit: Eve Morrison

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Losing The Passion

I’ve always been a pretty passionate kind of person, one of those who throws herself into things, wanting to know as much about it as possible and to do it as well as I can and over the course of my 48 years, my passions have been many.

One passion that’s been a thread throughout my life, right from when I was a little girl, is writing. I’d write in notebooks, on serviettes, on the backs of bus tickets and… well, on just about anything it’s possible to write on. And for a good few years, my main income was through writing.

But not now. The passion’s gone. I’ve no idea where it’s gone - maybe somebody half inched it while I wasn’t looking for all I know, but gone it is.

I still enjoy writing my blog, it’s ‘writing proper’ that’s gone. I have no muse when it comes to fiction and non-fiction, unless I’m writing about something that I particularly want to write about, leaves me cold. It just doesn’t interest me anymore. I try, believe me I do, but the words just don’t come. Not in a way that’s worth putting on paper, anyhow.

I’m thinking it’s time to accept that it’s gone.

I knit but I’m not passionate about that either. I sew and cross-stitch but there’s no passion behind them either. I cook from scratch but without the real passion that I once felt. There is no passion in me right now.

What’s happening? Why do I feel this way? It’s like I’m empty, just waiting for passion to come marching back and push me into gear again. I’m sure it will eventually but it’s the waiting I don’t like. Having no passion doesn’t sit well with me.

Sharon J

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Yesterday Was Rubbish!

I had a lousy day yesterday.

My energy levels have fallen all week and yesterday, I hope, was when they hit rock bottom. I woke up at 2.30 am and couldn’t get back to sleep so the tiredness added to the general lack of energy really threw me into a pit of sticky black tar, where just putting one foot in front of the other was an effort.

I stayed in bed until mid-afternoon because, on top of being so damned lethargic, I’d developed a searing stomach ache. They’re not unusual for me - my bowel being no more than about 14 inches long means that wind easily gets trapped there and can’t get out (I can’t, erm… fart, to put it bluntly). The pain can be bloody agonising at times, and yesterday was one of them. I really could have done without that, especially as I was supposed to go to Aldi and get a couple of memory cards that were on one of their special Thursday offers, for my daughter. That obviously didn’t happen.

When I did get up I realised that my planned meal for the day wasn’t going to happen. The stomach pain had eased by then but still I didn’t have the energy to stand in the kitchen and actually make something. Luckily I had some home made beef burgers in the freezer that I’d made last week so I whipped them out for thawing. Actually, whipped isn’t the right description at all - I stressed because I couldn’t find them and Richard, who’d come round to set up my evening trolley for me (an aseptic surface had to be laid out twice a day with sterile bits and bobs so that I can detach/attach my feeding bag) had to dive in and find them instead. I was, to say the least, being a miserable mare. I was snappy, had absolutely no desire to hold a conversation and just wished he’d bugger off again. Not nice, I know, but that’s how it gets to me sometimes. It’s the feeling of uselessness more than anything I think, combined with the frustration of not being able to easily do most of the things I once took for granted, like finding four beef burgers in the freezer!

The post was waiting for me on the table but there was nothing nice there either. No letter to say I’d won a cruise in the Caribbean or even a note from my mum with a tenner in (she does send me the odd bit of money now and then, bless her). No, just a bill for my Ikea card and a horrible letter from the Virgin credit card people telling me that as I still hadn’t paid off my arrears they would be sending the whole amount for debt collection blah blah blah. I’ve been paying off as much as I can but £200 a month is too much so I’m gonna have to call them today and try to make some kind of arrangement.

Anyway, LM came home from work so I quickly fried the aforementioned burgers and popped open a couple of cans of potato gratin (30p from Asda - the same thing used to cost over a quid in Tesco!). The accompanying “salad” was nothing more than a chopped up baby gem lettuce but it had to do - I wasn’t going to start faffing about with all sorts of veg. It was, I figured, better than sod all. Luckily I had enough of everything for three rather than two, because LM’s boyfriend turned up and if there’s one thing I just can’t do, it’s eat comfortably in front of other people who aren’t having any without at least offering them some.

Me: Want some dinner?

Him: You bet. I love your cooking so whatever you’ve got going is fine by me.

Me: It’s only burgers and tinned potatoes (hoping he’d think that being as I wasn’t actually ‘cooking’ as such, he’d not bother)

LM: They’re Mum’s home made burgers (damn - why did you say that?)

Him: Oh, then definitely.

Oh well, so I had to stand and fry a couple more than I’d first thought but I have a perching stool by the cooker so it wasn’t too bad and just so’s you know, I’m not usually that mean, I was just tired. It didn't help though when LM told me that they tasted really bland compared to the last ones we had. Ever felt like aiming something hard at your daughter?

During dinner KT (that’s LM’s fella) asked how I was feeling. “Bloody awful” came the response. He knows all about my condition so didn’t need to dig any deeper, he just asked what he could do to make my day a little bit better. Apart from something that involves illegal herbs, and that wasn’t on the cards, there was nothing I could think of. LM had the answer though: “Just leave her alone,” she said. “When she’s like this, expecting conversation will just wind her up so either shut up and watch the telly or we’ll go upstairs out of the way.” Sensible girl. They went upstairs. Pity they didn’t do the washing up first - I should have thought of that when he asked. It’s still waiting for me now. Oh well… it’s just a few plates, a frying pan and a saucepan. No big deal really.

I finished off the day just veged out in front of the box. I tried to read but couldn’t relax and concentrate; I tried to knit but the kitten (he’s the size of an adult cat now but at just six months, still acts like a kitten) grabbed it and pulled my stitches off the needle. As I was in the middle of turning a heel on a sock, I wasn’t a happy bunny. The kitten’s lucky he didn’t fly through the window!

Today I’m off to do my weekly shop. Fingers crossed it’ll be a better day. Pity it’s raining.

Sharon J

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Image Credit: Lorenzo Pierini

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Beauty & The Beast

Image: Bootsandpaws.co.uk

Being a beautiful day, my friend Carol - who I haven’t seen for ages - and I decided to drive out to Middlewich yesterday to look for a fishing lake I’d heard about. I’ve been keen to get back into fishing y’see, but hadn’t yet found anywhere in the local vicinity that allows ‘my kind of fishing’. By the I mean coarse fishing without all the palaver of ground baiting, huge poles, keep nets, landing mats and the likes - I just wanted a place where I could sit in relatively peaceful surroundings with a simple rod, a baited hook and wait for the bite while I ponder life.

Shakerley Mere turned out to be quite beautiful and very accessible for somebody like me who has mobility problems. The path around the lake is even, there’s plenty of parking, and lots of open pegs to fish from. The lake's stocked with perch, tench, roach and bream (slimey suckers - yuk!) along with, apparently, some pretty huge carp, although fishing for the latter holds absolutely no interest to me - way too much faffing about. Ideally I’d like to fish for brown trout, the way I did back in Norway, but that appears to be impossible here without fly fishing equipment and expensive day tickets.

What I didn’t like about Shakerley Mere is the fact that the M6 - the country's busiest motorway - runs right along one side of it and although the lakes is big (we’re not talking Great Lakes big but bigger than a pond) and we were on the opposite side, the noise from the motorway definitely destroyed the feeling of peace. Sitting on a bench amid beautiful trees and shrubs clothed in their dazzling autumn colours whilst looking out across a peaceful lake where swans, ducks, geese and moorhens gently glided through the water should have been tranquillity itself, but with the constant drone of high speed traffic, it just wasn’t. Still, I’ll probably give it a try next year once the fishing season gets underway again as it’s the best place I’ve found so far. It’s just such a shame that such beautiful nature spots are so easily destroyed by our modern lifestyles.

We also got talking to a man who was waiting for the RSPCA to arrive. A bird had caught its wing on something on one of the two islands on the lake. Possibly left-over fishing line although I can’t say for sure, but as the carp tend to sit around the islands (an online search revealed this particular piece of information) it's a fair bet that carp anglers aim for them. The poor thing was flapping desperately and clearly becoming tired but even though it was already an hour since the RSPCA were called, they’d yet to arrive. By the time we returned to the same spot, at least another hour had past, the bird was hanging quietly by this time, probably exhausted, but still there was no sign of the RSPCA. Do they only arrive quickly when they have a camera crew in tow? It makes you wonder.

Nature has provided us with an incredible amount of beauty but man has an uncanny knack of destroying it.

Sharon J

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Parking in Westminster

Image: carlo_seo

You may remember that LM and I visited the theatre in London a while ago and that I had a pretty miserable time what with the stairs and my injury (see here if you didn’t read the original post) and that the evening was topped off with a parking fine. Apparently, you’re not allowed to park anywhere other than in designated disabled parking spaces with a blue badge in Westminster, or for 2 hours maximum in other parking spaces (not long enough for a theatre visit). The result was a £120 fine although that would have been reduced to £60 if I’d paid it within 14 days.

I didn’t pay it. Instead I wrote to Westminster City Council (although their collection offices are based in Warrington, Cheshire!) politely explaining that I didn’t know their rules differed from those elsewhere in the country and that as the three disabled bays that we’d been able to find close enough to The Lyceum had all been occupied, by not parking elsewhere I wouldn’t have the same freedom to visit the theatre as able bodied people and hinted that surely that was discrimination?

A letter has arrived back. They’ve waived the fine but have made it clear that now that I know the rules any further fines will be enforced.

The fact that I don’t have to pay is good news but I’m still concerned that disabled people are being discriminated against. We’re not all lucky enough to be able to use public transports comfortably (ok, so there’s not really such a thing as using public transport comfortably in London but you know what I mean) and as blue badges are only given to those who can’t walk more than 100 yards comfortably, it stands to reason that we can’t park too far from our intended destination. Why then not more disabled bays at least? I can't say I feel particularly welcome in Westminster.

Sharon J

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Things Aren't So Simple

Image: ToniVC

Following yesterday’s post, I thought I’d better let you all know that I’m feeling a lot better today. I still didn’t sleep well but for different reasons this time (medical reasons) and although I’m tired today, my mind feels more at ease.

What IS bugging me though is the fact that this simplicity lark that I’m so determined to keep hold of just seems to keep slipping away from me. This is why:

1. Keeping On Top Of Things
Although I’ve de-cluttered considerably there’s still a long way to go and I just don’t seem to be able to keep up with it. Because I tire really quickly, there always seems to be other stuff that needs doing and even the general day to day running of the house can become too much for me at times. When the floors need cleaning, the kitchen looks as if a war’s been fought in it, the washing basket’s overflowing and the window’s are so dirty I can hardly see out of them anymore, de-cluttering is the last thing I have time for. I do a little now and then (I de-cluttered the shelves and baskets underneath the coffee table at the weekend) but it’s never enough.

Maybe I’m just attacking things in the wrong way or something but if there’s one thing I regret it’s letting it get this way in the first place! Why oh why did I ever think I needed all this junk?

2. People
I’ve really tried hard to keep toxic people out of my path but it’s not always possible. Some people I just have to tolerate because of circumstances. I can’t go into what those circumstances are as I wouldn’t like anybody to recognise themselves, or even think they recognise themselves, but a couple of them are people I really don’t need or want in my life.

For some reason I tend to attract those who are down on their luck and that’s ok, but when they starting taking the Jimmy out of me, it’s not ok anymore. Far from it. I don’t hesitate to tell them about themselves, and have done on numerous occasions, but still they persist and there’s sod all I can do about it.

These people cause me unnecessary stress EVEN THOUGH they know that stress can make me seriously ill. Stress is not good when you’re trying to live a simple life.

3. People II
Because I tend to attract people who have had a less than easy life (and I guess that’s because like attracts like), a lot of my friends are struggling with personal problems. My problem is that I get too emotionally involved and again, that leads to stress.

And that IS my problem, not theirs. They haven’t asked me to get so involved, nor have they expected it of me, but it’s part of my nature I guess, and probably something I’m just going to have to live with.

I have learned to distance myself to a certain degree - I don’t get as involved as I once would have done - but even so, I notice that there are times when I need to put my own needs before theirs and that doesn’t always happen.

Is it really possible to live simply in a house that feels chaotic most of the time, and with friends whose problems I take onboard a little too often? Not to mention the ones who aren’t friends but who I have to endure but who suck me dry emotionally. Is it? Please tell me it is.

It's a new month - maybe I just need to 'regroup' and decide on a plan of action. I just have to figure out what that should be first.

Sharon J

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A Stay of Execution

Image: Rogue soul

I don’t worry a whole lot. I figure it’s a non-productive behaviour that just saps energy so better to use the energy you have to try to find a solution to a problem and I certainly don’t spend precious time worrying about something that will probably never happen. But today I’m worried.

I don’t actually have a problem myself. Well, I do - we all have our problems but I don’t have anything major going on in my life, and certainly nothing that would warrant worrying about, but somebody I care about has a serious financial problem and as I can see that it’s dragging him down into that black place where nobody really likes to be, I’m worried. I heard about this during dinner last night and even though we were having vegetable stew, one of my all time favourite meals, it put me right off - my appetite just flew out of the window. And I didn’t sleep well last night. I had dreams that were related to the problem and woke up at 2 am thinking about it.

I could dip into my kitchen fund and bail the person out in the short term but I can’t see how it would have any long term effect and I’d still be without my kitchen. Now I know that sounds kind of selfish, but I’ve been saving for a long time and that money hasn’t come easy. I’ve saved coins in a jar, put a fiver away whenever I could and gradually the fund has grown. I’m already owed £200 from it by another person, and that kitchen means a lot to me.

What’s more, I should have had the kitchen a long time ago. I originally took up a £3000 loan for it but due to circumstances at the time (very little income coming into the house), I had to keep dipping into it in order to survive and eventually it was gone. I’m still paying the loan and £98 a month makes a big dent in my income, especially when it’s for something I never had the chance to enjoy.

But I do feel terribly selfish. I mean, compared to some people in this world, my life is one of luxury. Even compared to the life of the person I’m worried about, my life is extremely comfortable from a financial point of view and that’s saying something because I struggle too. Is it selfish of me to put my own needs first? That kitchen’s really important to me as mine is very impractical with hardly any storage space and I’m fed up with keeping things in boxes and stacked on top of each other. My mobility is impaired, I get worn out quickly, and although I enjoy cooking, it’s just no fun when everything’s so difficult. It also has a floor that’s nigh on impossible to keep clean.

However, I’m not about to lose my bank account and neither do I have the threat of bailiffs at my door. I have had in the past, but not now. Not since I sorted myself out and decided that racking up debt and living outside of my means wasn’t the way to go.

I really don’t know what to do.

I know nobody here can help me make a decision or help the person concerned, but getting my thoughts down on ‘paper’ helps a little. My mind doesn’t feel quite as muddled.

Last week, I actually offered to lend him some money on the condition that he paid me back a set amount each week but because of his unstable financial situation, he isn't able to make a repayment plan - there just isn't room for further outgoings.

If I knew for sure that £500 would be all that it’d take for this person to turn his future around then I’d give it to him without hesitation, but it isn’t that simple. He has no way of paying me back on a loan, I don’t feel I can afford to lose the money, and it really would only be a short-term bail out. What then? What happens when my kitchen money’s gone and he’s still in the same position, just a few months down the line?

If only I knew the answer.

Sharon J

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A Very Good Day

I’m back. It was just a day but a day made a difference.

One of the mistakes I’ve made in life was that I always thought I had to put everything and everybody else before myself in order to be a good mum, housewife, daughter, friend, lover, employee, carer or whichever hat I happened to be wearing at the time. But that’s not so. While we do have certain duties that can’t and shouldn’t be ignored, taking time out to just be ourselves and do whatever we please makes being what we are for others so much easier and more enjoyable. Things become less of a chore. When I wore myself down so much by constantly running round after others and getting emotionally involved in the lives of everybody who felt like drawing me to the point where the stress actually landed me in hospital, I learned that Sharon has to come first. If I don’t look after myself, how can I be of any use to anybody else anyway? I sure as heck wouldn’t be much use buried six foot under the ground.

Anyway, yesterday was good. Very good.

I spent the first part in bed, hooked up to my feeding pump, alternating between an old Peter Robinson book and watching James Martin on the telly. LM came in and sat with me for a while and we chatted about relationships, friends and wotnot.

Once up I filled some rolls while LM fed the pets and we headed for the park. It was a beautiful day and I got a lovely dose of vitamin D while we watched a grandad throwing a stick into a chestnut tree, gathering conkers for his grandsons. It was peaceful and relaxing.

I usually have a bottle of chilled water with me whenever I go out but not so yesterday. When I dived into my canvas shopping bag to find the old Evian bottle (yes, once upon a time I used to buy them regularly), what did I find instead? Frozen sausages. Five plump pork and herb best butcher’s sausages. I’d taken them from the freezer before we left and obviously… well, suffice to say the water bottle was still on the work top at home.

We had bread for the ducks with us too but alas, there were no ducks. Usually, as soon as you bring out the sarnies they surround you but yesterday there was neither a quack to be heard nor a feather to be seen. The ducks had decamped.

After the park, we headed for town. LM wanted to buy a book and although I don’t actually need a new book, taking me into a bookshop is lethal. I mean, is it actually possible to go inside and come out empty handed? I’m sure booksellers cast some magic spell on unsuspecting casual browsers that compels us to buy at least one stack of printed paper bound in an enticing cover. I was good though, I did just buy the one. Well, at that point anyway.

Next LM wanted to go to Superdrug for new make-up. I couldn’t walk that far so suggested I go into a second bookshop to browse while I waited. Do I need to tell you what happened? You know the answer already don’t you? Three books and a four rolls of sellotape later LM found me. But the books were cheap; this was ‘The Works’.

I know shops like this aren’t good news for authors and while I do buy some books new and at full-price (the first one I bought was - honest), I can’t afford to buy them all like that and given the choice between everything at full price, the library and cheap, I have to go with the latter two at times. Well, most of the time actually. I could just stick to the library, and generally do these days, but it’s that being in an actual book shop syndrome thingy…. I just can’t resist opening my purse. Still, all four books cost me £14.96 so that wasn’t too bad. And one’s really useful - it’s all about bi-carb - what it is and it’s gazillion uses. The full-price book is Stuart Machonie’s ‘Pies & Prejudice’ and sounds both interesting and a good laugh. The third is an ‘unusual facts’ type book and as I love useless information it's right up my alley, and the fourth… well that’s a secret cos it’s a Christmas present and the recipient may well be reading this. You just never know who's lurking out there, do you?

Anyway, I was eventually scurfed out of the book shop and off we toddled, back to the car and headed for Morrison’s. I’d seen a three-tier steamer there on Friday for £9.98 and had decided to buy one. Ok, so that was another tenner that could have gone into the kitchen fund but I figured a steamer would give us healthier veg (well, it’d give LM healthier veg - I could eat pig swill and it’d make not a blind bit of difference to me but the veg will be tastier, I‘m sure) and would save money in the long run because I’d only need to use one gas ring for the spuds and veg instead of the usual two or three. I shall be trying it out today when those well-travelled sausages finally get eaten along with mash, carrots & cabbage. They were thawed but still cold by the time we got home.

Speaking of which, we were supposed to have the sausages yesterday - bangers and mash makes a good comfort meal I think - but by the time we got back I was shattered. We’d also been to a car lot to look for a new motor for LM y’see. Hers isn’t very well at the moment. Anyway, too knackered to bother with dinner, we decided to order a take-away. Yes… I parted with even more money. Oh, the extravagance of it all. The local Indian was called and a meal was duly delivered. £13.60...a lot of money when you’re supposed to be frugal and saving as much as possible but it was nice. Very nice. And it was my day to do whatever I liked and believe me, I liked.

We wound up the day by watching a film. I can’t remember the name of it now but it made me cry. But then so does Corrie. And Pet Rescue. And Casualty (the latter for the wrong reasons though - I hate it!). While I watched it, I knitted. I got half a sock done in that time so was quite productive really.

The best thing about the day was that while I got to do what I liked, I also got to spend the day bonding with LM. Mums and daughters need that and in today’s busy society, things like that often get overlooked. Sure, we eat meals together, sometimes go shopping together, and now and then we watch a film together, but a whole day spent together is something else. It was indeed a good day. A very good day.

Sharon J

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Theft

Image: Ross Murray

Yesterday afternoon my daughter’s handbag was stolen from her work place. It was hanging in the staff room (they’re not allowed to have their personal belongings at the tills) and somebody came in through the back door, that the manager had left open, and had it away.

In the bag was her purse, driver’s licence, bank card, a pack of cigarettes, a few till receipts and her keys. The purse contained £1.15 in cash.

To renew her driver’s licence it will cost £17.50. The bank have told her that a new card will be issued within 5-7 days. The keys, however, pose a problem.

She has just the one key to her car. When she first bought it she enquired about having a new key made to keep at home ‘just in case’ but it would cost £70, money she really couldn’t afford. Corsas, apparently, have special keys that are only available from a Vauxhall dealer.

Her car is now stood at the back of her work place and her manager is telling her that it has to be moved. She can’t move it and try as I might to get a recovery company out to her, nobody had the time. That, when we do eventually find one who will do it, will cost about another sixty quid.

She enquired with Vauxhall about having the locks changed (the only way of getting a new key) but was told that the cost would be so high that it wouldn’t be worth it on such an old car. It’s not worth more than a few hundred pounds now but without it she’s stuck as she can’t get to work and back. She starts at 7am some days and finishes at 11pm on others. She’d need two buses and they just don’t start early enough from here, or come back late enough, to be of any use to her.

She has no available funds as everything she has is in her savings for moving to Norway in September. She absolutely needs every penny because she has no idea how long it will take before she can get a job there and she’s got to survive in the meantime. She really can’t use that money.

The only answer is for me to dip into my kitchen savings and either a) pay to have the locks changed or b) buy another car. I think the latter is the better alternative. At least if we junk this one and I buy another, I can sell it when she moves and get some of my money back. If I change the locks, the car still won’t be worth more than £200-300 in September, and I’ll have probably paid that much to get it sorted, leaving me with a greater loss. And even though she’s offered to pay me back anything I lose, it’ll have to be in instalments because she’s not liable to have much money while she’s establishing herself in Norway, so my kitchen will need to be postponed even further.

Basically, the gits who stole her bag have caused her a lot of trouble sorting out a driver’s licence, having her card stopped, and worrying about how she’ll get to work, as well as potentially costing her several hundred pounds. All for the sake of £1.15, because that’s really all they got out of it. If only these people realised just what the consequences of their selfish actions were, but maybe they do and don’t care. I don’t know.

What’s more, her manager doesn’t seem to think that the company she works for have any responsibility towards this. I’ve told her to make further enquiries and if she has no joy, I shall contact them and ask why somebody (the manager for leaving the door open?) isn’t being held accountable. And while the forecourt has CCTV cameras pointing every which way, there are none at the back of the building. She may not have lost much directly from her bag, but indirectly she certainly has.

I do believe that things happen for a reason so maybe one day we’ll understand the lesson that had to be learned through this or see that it lead her towards a path she otherwise wouldn’t have taken. And although I’m not generally one for revenge, I hope one day that whoever did this experiences something similar themselves if that’ll help them learn just how selfish theft is.

Why can’t people just keep their dirty dabs off of others’ property?

Sharon J

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The Financial Table Turns

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I was over at “Frugal Trenches” yesterday evening and read her daily tracking post. She’s doing really well but there was something she said that gave me a light bulb moment about how my own view of money has changed.

Earlier yesterday I’d been out shopping with Lise and Bjørn, first to buy some trackie bottoms for Paul, then to get kitten milk, and finally to do a bit of top-up shopping.

Because Paul’s a funny size, finding trackies that are both big enough in the waist but not too long in the leg, poses a bit of a problem. The only way I thought I could get round it would be to buy those that are the right waist size and take the legs up. What I hadn’t considered was that 9 out of 10 styles have either an elasticated ankle, a zip up the side of the bottom 6 inches or so or the logo goes right down to the bottom. All of those pose a problem. I could possibly sort out the elasticated bottomed ones by just cutting the bottom inch off before turning them up but the second problem was that the trousers that were big enough in the waist, also looked as if they were designed to house a bull’s arse rather than Paul’s almost non-existent one. And as for where the crutch would hang, well he’d need to be more than just well hung to fill that lot up! Quite honestly, if I put him in those, the chances are he’d look bloody ridiculous.

Once upon a time I would have bought them anyway. Just one pair for him to try and if they weren’t right, I’d donate them to charity (or have asked Mum too during the time Paul‘s been with her). This time, however, I phoned mum first and asked for her advice. Should I buy them or should I not? I knew he needed them but I really didn’t want to spend money unnecessarily if he wasn’t likely to wear them. Mum said “leave it”, she’s look down the market, and I actually felt relieved. We were only talking about ten quid but my view of spending ten pounds unnecessarily has changed considerably.

The kitten milk I was ok with. Five packs for £2 is more than worth it to keep my kitten happy and healthy. I did think 69p was a lot for just one, 40p each is closer to what I’d expect to pay so I was happy enough to part with my two quid.

The grocery shopping was the worse bit, though. By that time my stamina had run out and I was feeling so depleted that just getting out of the car was more than I wanted to do, let alone walk around Asda again. I gave Lise the money and a list and then sat in the car thinking about how much this was taking me over my budget. Having house guests is costing me more than I’d reckoned with and while I wouldn’t prefer them to go home than pay the extra, the fact that it wasn’t budgeted for was giving me cause for concern. Which credit card would have to go unpaid this month? I hadn’t reckoned with anything other than minimum payments this month because I knew I’d have extra expense but I hadn’t reckoned with missing a payment and then having extra fees bunged on, bringing my debt higher again.

My view towards spending has changed so much that when I came home today I felt almost guilty for spending so much whereas before I’d go on a proper spending spree and feel dead pleased with all the new stuff I’d bought… for about a day. Nowadays, knowing that I‘ve been able to stick to a tight budget leaves me feeling happier for far longer, whereas spending on something I ought to be able to do without makes me feel miserable.

How the tables turn.

Sharon J

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Punching The Air

I know this isn’t going to seem like much of an achievement to some of you but those who know me will understand just how huge it was and why I had to share it.

On Thursday I walked all the way around Asda!

I didn’t do my big shop - I’m not that strong - just bought a few top-up bits and pieces that I’d normally have to send somebody else out to get for me. LM carried the basket until it got too heavy then Lise’s boyfriend took over. Lise and Bjorn had a tendency to wander off on their own - it was all new and exciting for him, who’d never been to England before, let alone inside an English supermarket - but LM stayed resolutely by my side in case I flagged or became ill and then found the check out with the shortest queue for me.

When I got back outside and into the car, I felt like punching the air. A couple of months ago I was starting to think I’d never be able to do anything ‘normal’ again but every achievement along the way has given me renewed faith in myself. I can and I will live a life outside of these four walls!

Admittedly, my legs hurt like nobody’s business that night but as they say, no gain without pain and the more I do these things, the easier it will become. I just have to remind myself not to push too hard - one step at a time and I’ll get there in the end.

Sharon J

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I'm So Excited...

Lise

My daughter arrives today. Yippee!

She lives in Norway and has been back and forth – through choice – between her father and me since she was twelve. She’s now 22 and seems to have settled out there for good. It’s where she was born, where she spent the first eleven years of her life, and where half of her family are. She is, without a doubt, more Norwegian than English.

I miss her, there’s no denying that, but I’m also glad that she’s living out there because the lifestyle is so much better than what we have here. Maybe it wouldn’t be so marked if we were living elsewhere in the UK, but right here there’s not much to compare to what she has. Clean air, miles upon miles of open spaces that aren’t farmed so can be used for recreational purposes, lakes galore, beautiful mountains, breathtaking fjords... it’s such an unspoilt country in so many ways, unlike our densely (overpopulated?) island. And the people are generally nice, too.

But still I’m a mum and mums miss their daughters so you can imagine how excited I am to be seeing her later. She doesn’t land until nearly half past eleven tonight though, so I have a whole day to get through first. Richard and I have already made my bedroom look half decent for her, as much as it can with the state of the decor anyway, but I'll put some fresh flowers in there to brighten it up. I've been relegated to Paul's temporarily vacated room. Then I'll try to find some other stuff to do to help pass the time away. I can’t be too energetic though of I’ll flag later and won’t be able to drive all the way to Birmingham and back. I must keep reminding myself to slow down. I have the top of the fridge to declutter and clean though, so at least that's something to do.

Lise’s bringing her new boyfriend with her too, hence me moving out of my bedroom for a fortnight. Apparently he’s very nervous about meeting 'the mother' and knowing his reasons, I can understand. But I don’t bite and I don’t judge people by their skin, clothes, hair or anything else superficial. It’s what’s inside him that will matter and from what Lise has said, he’s pretty good to her.

I’ll still be blogging while she’s here because I generally do that early in the morning anyway, but I’m sure you’ll understand if I don’t visit other blogs as often as I usually do. I'll try to pop in now and then though.

Have a lovely day.

Sharon J x

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Feeling Chuffed

Image: camera_shy_gal

I’m really pleased with myself this week. Not in a smug kind of way, rather a ‘punch the air and shout YESSSS!’ kind of way. In fact, I haven’t felt so chuffed for quite a while.

This week I’ve finished decluttering the big cupboard and turned it into a pantry, sorted all the stuff that came out of the big cupboard, found new, albeit temporary homes for some, freecycled some, donated some, and chucked some. The kitchen is once again reasonably clean and tidy (floor NEVER looks clean - tidy is something belonging to the future as I have way too few cupboards) and the table’s clear again. We may even be able to eat off of it! Weyhey!

I’ve also decluttered and cleaned Paul’s room. I shall be using it while Lise and her boyfriend are visiting and as it had been used pretty much as a storage room while Paul’s been away at Mum’s, drastic measures were needed. Needless to say, a lot of ‘crap’ had to go. And even though it’s in dire need of decorating and the carpet’s foul, I’ve also made my own bedroom look at least a bit more welcoming. Tomorrow I shall pick flowers in the garden to put in there ready for their arrival. Fresh flowers can make such a difference, don’t you think?

I’ve taken a trip to the recycling centre and made a couple of my own meals, even though Richard - who’s my official carer - has been here to do it for me. I’ve swept floors, done the dishes and tidied the living room. I’ve got my accounts back in order and listed everything that’s in the pantry. The freezer will be sorted and listed later today.

Now I realise none of this will appear to be much of an achievement to most but it’s no more than a month and a half ago that I was so weak I couldn’t even stand for more than a minute and even that caused me tremendous pain. I had no stamina at all and was falling asleep at the drop of a hat. From that to what I’ve managed this week has been such a huge step that I feel as if I’ve just won the London Marathon.

Admittedly, Richard has helped with the heavy stuff (thank you, Richard. I couldn‘t have done it without you) as I just don’t have the muscle strength to do everything for myself, but even so…

Every step along the way has let me see the proverbial light a little clearer until this point, where it’s shining big and bright and I know that one day I’ll emerge feeling more like the Sharon of two years ago again.

I’ll always have days where my energy’s low and nothing will get done, but those days will eventually become fewer and life will be easier.

I’m feeling happy and contented and I wouldn’t swap this feeling for all the tea in China.

Sharon J

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Re-evaluating My Financial Situation

Image by .KM.

I’ve decided to put the idea of building up a ‘rainy day fund’ on the back burner for a while. I hate not having any back up funds now that I’ve resolved to not to buy on credit again but what with the kitchen savings, trying to get rid of as much debt as possible, and the price of food sky rocketing, there just isn’t anything left over and saving what you don't have isn't as easy as spending what you don't have is.

Some would no doubt say that having an emergency fund is more important than a new kitchen and in some cases I’d agree, but I’m being totally honest when I say that my kitchen redesign isn’t just something I want but something I really need.

It isn’t based on a flight of fancy because interior fashions have changed or even just a desire to put my own stamp on it – although I will, of course. I need a new kitchen because the one I have just isn’t in the least bit practical for my needs. I can’t keep moving the table and chairs to get to the food shelves and I can’t keep moving the vacuum cleaner, clothes horse and sewing machine every time I need something from a particular set of drawers – I just don’t have that kind of energy or muscle power. There are other problems too, including a floor that’s unbelievably difficult to clean, things stored in boxes that are stacked here, there and everywhere making it difficult to get to things, and then there's the fact that it’s depressingly dingy and absolutely not the kind of place that inspires me in the cookery department. So you see, I really must save up for the kitchen. It’s about quality of life.

As for the debt, it isn’t going down as quickly as I’d originally hoped but there are reasons for that. I originally organised my finances on a Google spreadsheet and knew exactly what I had and where every penny (or thereabouts, anyway) was going. I knew when every bill would be drawn or needed to be paid and how much would come into my account and when, what I'd saved and for what, how much I owed and the rest. Alas, I became very ill and just didn’t have it in me to follow up. I'm sure most would have been the same in my situation. Then my laptop went to electronic heaven so for a couple of weeks after I was finally well again, I had no Internet access. By the time everything was back to normal, catching up just seemed too daunting a task.

Then creditors started hassling me for money and it all became depressing again. I knew I had to get back on track so I grabbed the bull by the horns and made a start. I’ve got most of the figures together again (waiting for a final few bills to arrive so that I can get the figures for them) and with any luck I’ll have the long awaited new kitchen by the end of the year and some of more of my debt will have been paid down.

This is how things stand at the moment:

Kitchen Fund Target = £1,800 (by March 2009)
Have £785

Debt Target = £0 (by Dec 2010)
Owe £7,671(approx.)
Paid £1,665

Emergency Fund Target = £2000 (by June 2011)
Have £0

The debt figure scares me because I can honestly say that apart from the washing machine and a bed I bought as a housewarming present for my 'almost' daughter, I have nothing to show for any of it. Until about 5-6 years ago I didn't even own a credit card and then suddenly I had three, all maxed out. Still, the sum of my debts was over £9,000 at the beginning of the year so I haven't done too badly, I suppose. It's not as if I'm on a high income or anything and there are only so many notches on the belt. What I do know is that if I hadn't been willing to tighten it up as far as I could, I wouldn't have stood a chance of paying down anywhere near as much. I realise it's still only a little over £200 a month but on top of all my other bills, that's a lot of money to find when you don't have much. And the money for the kitchen's been saved in six months too, some of it just by saving coins in a jar.

The annoying this is that I should never have gotten into this situation in the first place because it's not as if I didn't know better. I managed perfectly well for over twenty years without buying stuff on credit and although some of it was almost forced on me when our income dropped drastically (after I became seriously ill and couldn't work at all while Richard stayed home caring for me), that isn't the reason behind all of it. Some of it I brought upon myself through sheer stupidity.

The fact that I’m saving up to go to Norway in September isn’t helping but it’s something I have to do. LM’s moving out there and needs mine and Richard’s help to get her stuff over, get her work permit sorted, register herself as a permanent resident and what have you. I'm really looking forward to it though - it always feels like going home to me - but right now it'd be nice if Norway wasn’t such an expensive country to visit. At least LM's going halves with me on the hire car (no, that's not a luxury - it's a necessity).

I’ll start the rainy day fund once the kitchen’s finished but it’ll still be more important to keep snowballing my debts because they're costing me a whole lot more than I could ever earn in interest through saving. But then there's the peace of mind involved in having an emergency fund so I shall have to try to strike a decent balance.

Boy, am I gonna celebrate when that last pound's paid off my debts!

Sharon J

Financial Calculators including savings, credit card interest and mortgages

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Decluttering Again

Out of clutter find simplicity ~ Albert Einstein

I’ve been working on the ‘pantry’ again today. For those who don’t know, that’s the big cupboard under the stairs that used to be home to some food but mostly all sorts of junk that might be useful one day – so useful that I’d forgotten what was even buried in there. Squatters could have moved in there and I probably wouldn’t have known!

Anyway, the last of the junk was finally removed this morning along with the things that actually are useful but were never used because I couldn’t get at them, then Richard installed more shelves. He sawed, screwed and drilled like a real DIY guy (Richard isn’t too keen on DIY, y'see) and the final result was very good. I now have twice as many shelves and have sworn that I will not clutter it up again. No way. Not a chance. It’s just not going to happen (get the feeling I’m trying to convince myself here?).

The kitchen table, the chairs, and the work surfaces are now laden with everything that came out. I binned some as I went along but by the end I was fast running out of energy and the most important thing was to get the stuff out. I’ll go through it all tomorrow (hopefully my energy levels will be high enough) and decide what should be kept, what should be recycled, what can be used for something else, and what needs to be binned. Once I’ve done that, I’ll put the food in ‘pantry’ and store the things I’m keeping on the shelves where the food’s been kept (stacked sky high and impossible to get to without everything falling down). Until the kitchen’s eventually finished, things are just going to have to have temporary homes.

It feels good to be getting somewhere and it shouldn’t be too long now before I can get my ‘almost’ son-in-law round to take the wall cabinets down, decorate and put new cabinets up. At least that’ll be phase one over and done with.

Sharon J

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Switching To Renewable Energy Is Soooo Easy

Image by lant_70

Yesterday I decided to do something about switching my electricity supplier. I’d already decided to keep the prepayment meter because while I’m still struggling to pay off my debts, I’d rather not receive any more surprise bills and with the cost or energy rising quickly these days, that could well happen. It would have been nice if I’d been able to save a bit by switching too but my main concern was that I wanted to be supplied with green energy – the renewable stuff that comes from the myriad wind farms that have popped up around the country – and not the stuff that British Gas supply me with.

First I went to moneysavingexpert.com to see which of the comparison sites Martin Lewis recommended. I followed the link and landed on Energy Helpline. Now this is an incredibly easy site to use, it shows you exactly how much you can save by switching to any of the companies that supply gas or electricity in your area and you make your application to switch online. Really, believe me... I do not like filling out forms but this one was dead simple.

I chose to switch to The National Trust Green Energy Scheme even though it would actually cost me an estimated £6 per year more at the current rate. Ok, so I’m hard up and trying to save money but it’s important to me that I have green energy and the difference isn't enough to lose sleep over.

Apparently I’ll receive a confirmation letter from nPower (who The National Trust are partnering with on this project) within 14 days and the switch will go live within two months. I thought the process would be quicker than that but ok, I can live with it.

Also, by choosing The National Trust instead of signing up with nPower directly, nPower will donate £15 a year to the trust to invest in low and zero carbon initiatives. I don't see wind farms as the final solution (is anything ever?) but they're what we have now and are better, in my opinion, than the alternatives. If everybody signed up then I doubt there would be enough to go round but it's a useful solution while we look for other ways of producing clean electricity.

If you’ve been thinking of switching suppliers but haven’t got around to it yet, I highly recommend Energy Helpline because it’s so easy and if Martin says it's good, it has to be good :-)

Sharon J

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Decluttering The Kitchen

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I’ve finally made a real start on decluttering the kitchen this week. Until now I just haven’t been strong enough to do it and although I can still only do a little at a time, it feels good to actually be making progress.

The first job to tackle was the big understairs cupboard. Until now it’s been used as a general dumping ground for everything that doesn’t have a proper home elsewhere and was an absolute disgrace. There are a few shelves in there but nowhere nearly as many as I’d like so the bottom of the cupboard was a complete mess. Everything just got shoved in from pots of paint and dog food to toilet rolls and things that might just come in handy one day but probably never will. It was so bad that I had no idea what was actually at the back, and even if I had known I wouldn’t have been able to get to them.

During the first round I managed to fill about a bin bag and a half with rubbish that couldn't be reused or recycled. What’s really embarrassing is that about half of that was food that had been stored there because I don’t have enough cupboard space for it elsewhere. Some of that had also become bogged down with junk so I found full packets of biscuits that had their ‘best before’ date 18 months ago, bags of sticky sweets that even a toddler wouldn’t find appetising, and cakes that were rock hard. There was even a whole Christmas cake and an untouched Stollen in there! Needless to say, I felt ashamed of myself. At least some of the other stuff's going on Freecycle or to the charity shop!

This is how the cupboard looked when I gave up for the day. You can't see anywhere near all of it but believe me, there's still a lot of stuff left to get out!


The little chest of drawers in the kitchen will also be put through the clear out treatment. Richard’s having it and I wanted it out of the way so that I could make room for a dresser or larger chest of drawers, although I’ve yet to find ‘the right one’. Richard says I’m fussy but why shouldn’t I get my kitchen exactly how I want it when I’m spending both time, energy and money on it? I’m planning to live with it for a very long time and want to feel satisfied that it not only works for me but looks pleasant and inviting, too.

The main problem with all this decluttering is that, until I eventually get my new kitchen installed, I’ve nowhere to actually put the stuff that’s come out of cupboards and drawers. There just isn’t room to find them new homes. At the moment my food is kept on two shelves on the wall - a very inadequate solution as they’re not only in an awkward position to get to, but everything’s stacked up in such a way that I can’t easy get things down without half of it falling on top of me. The kitchen table is also ‘home’ to all sorts of things that shouldn’t be there but I can’t exactly just kick them around until I lose them, can I?

Once the big cupboards completely clear I’ll get Richard to put some more shelves up for me. That way the stockpiled food and dry stuff (flour, rice, pasta etc) can go back in, and the vacuum cleaner can have a proper home instead of standing on the floor, in the way of getting to one end of the much despised food shelves. I’m fed up keep having to move it because although that may seem like a simple task to most, things like that quickly wear me out.

Having an electric built-in oven residing on the floor while it awaits its permanent home in the new kitchen doesn’t help with space but as I’m working to a very tight budget, I have to get things when I see them going cheap. The oven’s just 6 months old, barely used and cost £50 so I could hardly let it go. And anyway, why buy new when you don’t have to?

At the moment there are also things being kept in big boxes or just stacked against the walls. The whole room generally looks as if a bomb’s hit it but I tell myself that it’s simply the transition stage, rather like when you’re growing layers out of your hair and it looks a mess but you have to put up with it just a while longer if you’re to get the style you really want.

I’m really eager to get started on the main jobs now. Lise and her boyfriend are going to paint the skirtings and door frames when they come over in July and once they're done, I shall get my "almost" daughter's partner round to decorate and put the new wall cabinets up. At least the food will have a proper home again then. That'll be the first stage over and done with so I'll be able to start concentrating on getting quotes for the rest of the work and saving how ever much more I need.

I’ll get there one day.

Sharon J

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Wormery Update

Way back in February I wrote about my new wormery and promised to let you know how things went. Well I’m pleased to report that after an initial set back, the worms are now fat, happy and munching their way through my kitchen waste.

Unfortunately, the first lot of worms died. I think that was due to a combination of factors. One was that it was cold and they just didn’t have enough compost to get warm and cosy in, and the second was that I over fed them. By putting too much waste in the wormery before they’d got themselves properly established, I suffocated the poor things. Putting too much of one kind of food in didn’t help matters either. They had far too many potato peelings to deal with.

I removed much of the food and left things to see how they went. When it got the point where I could only find two living worms, I decided it was time to top up. Two worms do not a wormery make.

A trip to the local fishing supply store turned up a lovely tub of 50 beautiful wrigglers that were just right for the job and these were duly introduced to their new home. I could almost hear the sigh of relief when they realised they were going to be enjoying life in a cosy wormery being fed all sorts of goodies rather than ending life on a fisherman’s hook. Mind you, should I ever decide to do a spot of fishing later, I may well pick a few out again but isn’t that life? You just don’t know what tomorrow’s going to bring!

I’ve eased up on the feeding this time and when I checked them a few days ago, a whole bunch of them made a beeline for the lower layers (they don’t like the light) so it appears they’re thriving. A good portion of the food is being turned into compost, too.

Fingers crossed that I’ve cracked it this time.

Sharon J xx

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A Super Sunday

Photo: Jeffrey Simpson

What a beautiful day it’s been. The sun’s been shining from a clear blue sky, and the day has been good to me, health wise.

It started bad – I woke with my heart pounding and tears running down my cheeks after the most horrendous nightmare I’ve ever had. It’s still clear in my mind but I keep pushing it away. It’s just too awful to think about. That was at about 7 this morning.

I got up, sat in the garden for half an hour or so then pottered about in the house for a bit. At around 9 I picked up Richard and we headed to one of my favourite places: the car boot market!

Strangely enough, it wasn’t as packed as I’d imagined it would be on such a lovely day, which was good for me as it meant it was much easier to browse the stalls. I got lucky.

I found this chair for just £10 and it’s practically new! It even still has its tag on!

When my legs are bad I need a chair that’s relatively high as the sofa’s just too low to get up from. I had another, similar, wing-backed chair but the colour – terracotta and cream - was all wrong. This one fits in with my plan for future decorating far better. Richard has now taken the original chair to his house where it fits better with his planned colour scheme. It’s good to share :)

I also found this cup and saucer.

I think it’s quite beautiful and will look lovely in the lounge filled with flowers. A snip at 50p (pardon the pun – it really was unintentional).

On the same stall I found a cut glass vase. Another 50p was duly handed over. It'll look pretty displayed in any of my rooms. Well, once they’ve all been redecorated, that is. The house is a work in progress but I plan to gradually change the entire place – it’s just a matter of doing it on a budget. A very tight budget.

I also found an interesting cookery book for 25p and a Maeve Binchy paperback for the same price. You really can’t go wrong, can you?

After dropping Richard back home I popped to Charlene’s (my ‘almost’ daughter) and sat in her garden for an hour before heading back home and spending another hour in my own garden. I couldn’t sit still though – I kept getting up and pottering about and that just wasn’t doing my legs any good. I knew I shouldn’t push myself too hard so I went back inside and spent a couple of hours resting on the bed.

At 4 o’clock, Richard arrived, ready to do some digging for me.

I needed a few hebes taken from their too small pots (where they’ve been living for a couple of years now) and planted in the ground. It wasn’t a huge job but too much for me and I really didn’t want to lose them. This is how they look now.

Once that job was finished, he went inside and started on the dinner. Nothing too challenging – skinny fries with bernaise sauce. Well it's what I fancied and it tasted delicious.

Now I’m back upstairs, attached to my pump for the night and resting.

Yes, it’s definitely been a good day.

Sharon J xx

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