Don't Got - Do Got

Said by LM’s 20 year old male friend:

"Stop looking at the things you don’t got and start being grateful for the things you do got instead".

I couldn't help but smile :)

Sharon J xx

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Stone The Crows!!

A few weeks ago I bought myself a new bracelet. I wasn’t being indulgent or anything, it’s a simple bracelet of stones on elastic. It’s nicely made and looks nice and at £5.95 it won’t exactly break the bank.

But I didn’t buy it because it’s pretty or cheap, I bought it because my shoulder has been giving me gyp for about a year now. I have no lateral movement in my left arm and can’t lift it over my head as well as my right and sometimes - about 2-3 times a week on average - it’ll ache like nobodies business. Since Christmas the aching had increased in intensity and was starting to happen more frequently so I decided it was time to see if I could do anything about it.

I’d heard that hematite’s said to have electromagnetic properties so I grabbed a few books that I thought would give me the information I needed and low and behold, they were said to be useful for easing joint pain.

As I tend to prefer to try the natural remedy first, I took myself off to eBay and searched for a hematite bracelet. There were a few different choices available but the one shown above was by far the one that suited my taste best.

That was about a fortnight ago. I’ve worn it every day since it arrived and apart from the first day, not once… yes, that’s right, NOT ONCE, has my shoulder given me anywhere near the kind of pain it used to. I still don’t have any more dexterity in it but I’m no longer kept awake because I don’t know where to put my arm, and believe me, that really was driving me potty. Most of the time I don’t notice any pain at all, and when I do it’s really not too bothersome.

Now it could just be coincidence so I’m in no way saying that my lack of pain IS down to the hematite, but it seems probable to me. All stones and crystals are said to have their own energies that draw or repel other energies and, apparently, hematite works by attracting the iron in the blood (or rather, the energy of the iron) thus increasing the blood's flow.

I know some people would argue that it’s just a placebo effect but if that is the case, as long as it works for me that’s ultimately what matters.

Sharon J xx


PS: If you're interested in looking at some hematite bracelets, I bought mine from this seller.

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Living WITH The Earth

Living on the earth is easy, we all do it without giving much thought to it. But how about living with the earth?

We’ve been blessed with a beautiful planet that, if treated properly in order to give nature a chance to do things the way they were intended, would provide for all of our basic needs; there would be enough nutritious food, clean water and shelter for everybody.

But we don’t.

Most of us choose to just live on the planet instead of living in harmony with it. We no longer follow the natural cycles of life, whether that’s our own lives or those found in everything natural that surrounds us. We’ve built a society where living in peace and harmony with the earth is actually the more difficult option, but surely it should be the easiest and most natural thing to do? Shouldn’t understanding nature’s cycles, including the natural cycles of our own bodies, be instinctive or at least learned through the generations so that we ‘just know’ rather than something we have to teach ourselves and strive to achieve? Shouldn’t respect for the environment be an established standard rather than something we need to reminded of? Shouldn’t we naturally prefer food that’s free from chemicals and toxins and from livestock that’s treated humanely rather than weighing up what’s best for the earth and everything that’s a natural part of it against what’s cheapest for us?

Many hundreds of years ago people lived in closer harmony with the earth but eventually man became materialistic. Once that happened, there was no stopping us and these days, those of us who still try to live as natural a life as we can, and who truly care about the environment and want to preserve this beautiful planet are still all too often seen as ‘a bit weird’. I’ve been called a new age hippie, a tree hugger, an old witch, an eco-warrior, and a green trendy and while I suppose I’m all of those things in differing degrees (except green trendy - there’s nothing trendy about me), they’ve been said in a derogatory manner as if caring about our environment is wrong!

We can’t hide behind ignorance. We all KNOW how important it is to care for this planet and yet so many still do far less than they‘re able, if they actually do anything at all.

Why?

Sharon J xx

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Stuff vs. Memories

My daughter and I were chatting last night and the subject eventually came round to the way people are always wanting more - something bigger, better, flashier, more impressive and always more expensive.

She said that she’d much rather look back on a life filled with memories of adventures and experiences that had made an impact on her life, even if only on a spiritual level, because buying stuff doesn’t create lasting memories, not unless there’s been some real blood, sweat and tears put into actually getting it, and those who continuously buy new stuff don’t generally do that.

Do you remember the nights you spent just watching the TV and look back with pleasure? Do you look back on all those days your kids spent in front of the TV playing computer games and smile, laugh or even cry at the wonderful memories? Do you look at your sofa and feel warmed by the memory of buying it?

Do you remember the nights you spent with family and friends and look back with pleasure? Do you look back on all those days your kids spent playing in the woods with you, or learning how to ride a bike, or watching a bird bathe in a puddle and smile, laugh or even cry at the wonderful memories? Do you look at that old sofa and remember cuddles with the kids on it when they were younger?

Things are just things but love, laughter, friendship and experiences are what makes our lives special.

Sharon J xx

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The Importance of Contentment

One thing I’ve noticed this past year is that even though my health took a nose dive and the road back to having something resembling my normal strength has been slow and tedious and there's still a lot of climbing to do I’ve felt far more contented, especially during the latter half of the year. Not as contented as I’d like to be, but certainly enough to make a difference.

I know that contentment has come through making a conscious decision to simplify my life. I no longer wanted drama and intrigue to be part of it, I didn’t want to be surrounded by useless gadgets and gizmos that I really didn’t need, I no longer wanted to be bogged down by clutter, not only in the home but in my mind too, and I wanted the freedom to potter through life in a way that suited me without constant interference and demands from others. I wanted to get out of the financial mess I was in and start actually seeing the trees instead of just the woods.

That contentment has made other changes easier. When I was discontented with life I’d go on a shopping spree, trying to find some kind of happiness in material things, and while I did indeed get a high from buying stuff, that high lasted a very short time. Then I’d need another dose. And another. Spending became like a drug. Once I started feeling more contented with my life I no longer felt the need to fill in the gaps with stuff, because those gaps simply weren’t there anymore. Spending less made saving easier, and saving more meant my debts started to disappear more quickly. Contentment, I noticed, was having a positive snowball effect. Not only did my goals help me gain that contentment, the contentment itself led to the goals being far more achievable. A win-win situation all round.

Once I’d rid myself of the majority of toxic people in my life I found myself feeling far happier around those I do appreciate. Whereas the poisonous vipers were shutting me in before, I was opening up more, being myself again, understanding who I was and what my relationships meant to me. Without the negative influences I was feeling far more contented.

Getting rid of some of the physical clutter in my life taught me that I really don’t need things just because I think I need them. Yes, sometimes it was hard to let go but I learned that letting go of some things frees up space for other, more important things. The same goes for mind clutter. Spending time worrying over things that I can’t change, figuring out my next move in order to stop the toxic people from bringing me down… all those things were rolling around my mind, stopping me from living in the moment. When you’re contented, living in the moment becomes so much easier.

Discontent is soul destroying, expensive and makes life far more complicated than it need be. And while we all feel discontent creeping up on us now and then, what’s important is that we grab it as soon as it appears and take a good look at where it came from. Once you know what you’re dealing with, it’s so much easier to banish it from your life again. A little adjustment here, a tweak there… that’s generally all it takes. Sometimes even acceptance. Occasionally bigger changes will be needed but when you’re generally content with life otherwise, even those are easier to deal with.

Sharon J xx

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Lucky Me, Lucky You

Do you keep your food in a fridge and your clothes in a wardrobe? Do you have a roof over your head and a bed to sleep in? In that case you’re wealthier than 75% of the world’s population.

Or so I’ve heard.

Although I can’t say that the above is a fact, given the number of poor countries in the world, I can well believe it.

So when you hang your clothes up tonight before jumping into your comfortable bed, give a thought to those who are sleeping rough, some of them possibly right on your doorstep.

No matter what Santa brought us for Christmas, or whether or not we're popping a bottle of champagne on New Year’s eve, we’re incredibly lucky.

Sharon J

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Christmas Doesn’t Have To Be Perfect

Having been stuck in bed for a week, I am most definitely behind with my Christmas preparations. The tree isn’t up, gifts aren’t wrapped, some gifts still haven’t been bought and others that I’m making aren’t finished and cards aren’t written which is a bit of a git considering that some of them have to go abroad. Luckily, the presents that have to go to Norway won’t be opened until after Christmas anyway (I won’t go into the reasons here and now) so I don’t have to worry about those not getting there in time. I just hope everything that I’ve ordered for Paul comes with enough time to be sent down to London as I’d hate him to get his pressies late.

There’s still food shopping to be done and the mince pies and stuff that I was planning to make are just going to have to go take a walk this year. I must get the rest of the vodka into the kilner jar so that the cherry vodka’s ready on the day, though; I’ve been looking forward to that too much to miss it.

A few days ago I was getting my knickers in a right old twist over all this but I’ve come to the conclusion that Christmas really doesn’t have to be perfect. The day will come and go regardless of whether or not I’m prepared and once it’s gone it really won’t matter anymore. Nobody will remember it for the home-made mince pies, or whether or not the house was squeaky clean. And I’m sure half of those on my Christmas card list won’t really give a toss care whether or not they get a card.

It’s just one day and really not worth all the stress it can cause. I’ll do what I can and enjoy doing it - what I can’t do I won’t do and that’s that. End of story. Not having a perfect Christmas doesn’t make me a failure and nobody will be hurt, life will just poodle along as usual and Christmas will be forgotten for yet another year.

Sharon J

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Image Credit: Krisdecurtis

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Learning To Say No

Since starting my journey towards a simpler life, one of things I’ve had to learn is to say “No” more often.

Once upon a time, no matter what people asked of me, if I was able to do it, I did. Rarely was there any real gratitude shown and all too often, when I asked for a favour myself, that person was either too busy or just unwilling for whatever reason. Not everybody was that way, obviously, but too many were.

The fact is, people will keep on taking whatever you offer them and all the helping out I was doing was starting to wear me down. I spent so much time and energy doing things for other people that I found myself increasingly unable to do the things that actually meant a lot to me. My life, it seemed, belonged to others.

Nowadays I’m much more inclined to say no although to start with it did feel pretty weird. I’d find myself having to offer reasons for not being able to help but the truth of the matter is, nobody has any right to demand another’s time and an excuse really isn’t necessary. If you’ve said no then you clearly have a reason and have every right to decide yourself whether you want to share that reason or not.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we shouldn’t extend a helping hand but we don’t need to say yes to everything that’s asked of us. The following are a few basic guidelines that I use now when deciding whether or not to say yes.

Who is this person?
Sounds like a strange question because in all likelihood, if you didn’t already know them, they wouldn’t be asking a favour of you, but what I mean by this is what kind of person are they? Would they be happy to help you out when you need it, or are they blood suckers who just keep on taking without ever giving much back in return? I don’t mean that they have to do the same kind of favours for you, or even of the same magnitude - everything depends on a person’s abilities etc - but if they don’t show willing often enough (or ever, for that matter), start saying no more often.

Am I comfortable doing this?
I’ve put my life in danger to help others out and while I was ok doing that because the situation was serious, that wouldn’t always be the case because there are some things I really cannot do because they’d either be irresponsible of me (what would have happened if I had been hurt - who would have looked after my family?) or just plain difficult. If I’m not comfortable doing something, then unless there’s really no other way and somebody’s life depended on it, I’d say no.

Should this person be asking this of me?
People who know us well should know our limitations but still I’m often asked to do something that’s beyond what anybody should really expect. Once upon a time, I’d have done my best to do it anyway but nowadays I just think that they ought not have asked in the first place and put me in a position where I feel I have to help and simply say no.

Could this person do this for him/herself?
One example of this was people constantly asking me for loans even though they had at least as much and often more coming in than I have. If I can budget and make my money last from one pay day to the next and save a bit too, then surely they can. By helping out with loans the whole time, I wasn’t really do them any favours so instead I offered to help them set up a budget, an offer that has been declined by each of those people who‘d regularly ask, so now I just say no. As they say “give a man a fish and you’ll feed him for a day, teach him to fish and you’ll feed him for a lifetime”.

How important is the favour?
There’s a big difference between getting out of bed at two in the morning to take somebody to the hospital because a loved one’s just been admitted with a serious illness and could die and picking somebody up from a night club because they've spent their taxi fair home. If I don’t really think the person should be asking the favour of me, then I say no.

What are my own priorities?
Do I have the time or energy to do this? How important is it compared with the plans I’d already made for my time? Can I afford to do it and, if not, are they able to pay themselves (or even willing to)? If I feel that my own priorities are more important - and this is one where I often fell down before because I put other people’s need (real or perceived) before myself all too often - then I say no.


Since starting to say no more often and give more consideration to my own needs instead, some people have stopped contacting me as much. Fine. I know where I stand with them now. Those who really care about me understand that you can’t always do everything for everybody and have started expecting less of me. I still help out when and how I can, but I don’t jump around like a puppet on a string anymore and am actually spending time helping myself instead.

Sharon J xx

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Image Source: Tyla75

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Changing My Leaves

As I was driving my ‘almost’ daughter home last night, I couldn’t help but noticed how thickly strewn the pavements were with the leaves that are rapidly falling from the trees these days. The dazzling colours can still be enjoyed, but the heavy rain and blustering wind told me that very soon winter will get serious about laying its cold blanket across the country and it’ll all be over for another year.

Seeing the leaf littered pavements made me think about how autumn’s finale is a closing point. Nature will go to rest for a while, having rid itself of the last leaves, leaves that are no longer needed.

Perhaps, I thought, this is a good time to think about what I should be getting rid of too. I’ve been a bit lapse with the decluttering lately - too many other things going on in my mind, issues that needed to be dealt with - but seeing those leaves brought it home to me that this IS the time to get back on track. Just as the trees no longer need those leaves, I have stuff that no longer needs to be part of my life. They’re cluttering me, crowding my space and, to be honest, they’re making me unhappy. Strange really, considering that once upon a time I honestly believed that stuff would do the opposite - that it would make me feel good. Some stuff still does - the stuff that I need and that makes life easier or more pleasant - but a lot of it doesn’t. It’s just there, taking up space and demanding attention that I just don’t want to give it.

So let the decluttering re-begin, I say. Nature knows that it shouldn’t hang on to anything it no longer has a good use for - a lesson a lot of us could learn something from.


Sharon J

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Image Credit: Eve Morrison

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Simplicity Isn’t Always A Happy Face & Clean Aprons

I read quite a few blogs in the course of a week, some daily, some less frequent, but one thing I’ve noticed about a lot of the simplicity blogs is that the general picture that’s given is one where the woman is happy pottering about her home and garden, cleaning and cooking and growing her veggies. She knits, sews, shops locally and ethically and the impression I get is that everything’s always rosy in the simple household.

Well I’m trying to live simply. I cook mostly from scratch using fresh, local ingredients and although I can’t keep my house as nice as I’d like, I do clean (obviously). I chat with my daughter, advise her where I can, cuddle my pets and am generally contented with my lot. But that isn’t always the case.

Some days I’m moody. I don’t feel like cooking, I don’t want to clean, my pets get on my nerves, my daughter annoys me, and everything can go to the place that’s very hot. What’s more, I think that’s ok. Nobody’s happy or even contented all of the time. Things get us down sometimes and although I’d say I’m generally a positive person, sometimes I just allow myself to feel miserable. We humans have a whole range of emotions and as long as we’re not deliberately hurting somebody, or even know we’re hurting somebody even if it isn’t deliberate, I really don’t see the point in denying ourselves any of them.

Just as I think it’s dangerous that magazines portray women as only being attractive if they look young, slim and full of energy, I think it can be equally as dangerous to those trying to live simply - especially those who are new to simple living - that the whole concept is portrayed in a way that will have us believe it’s all smiles and clean aprons. Life, no matter how you choose to live, just isn’t always how we expect it to be. It’s rather like a rose - the beautiful flower is what we notice most of the time but there are always those other times when the thorns will catch you and the beauty of the flowers seems to fade for a short while.

Simple living isn’t a recipe for complete contentment and never will be, but in my experience it does bring more contentment into life. Just don’t expect it to eradicate every thorn and allow yourself to be moody sometimes. You’re only human, after all.

Sharon J

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Image Credit: Scandinavian Treasures

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Things Aren't So Simple

Image: ToniVC

Following yesterday’s post, I thought I’d better let you all know that I’m feeling a lot better today. I still didn’t sleep well but for different reasons this time (medical reasons) and although I’m tired today, my mind feels more at ease.

What IS bugging me though is the fact that this simplicity lark that I’m so determined to keep hold of just seems to keep slipping away from me. This is why:

1. Keeping On Top Of Things
Although I’ve de-cluttered considerably there’s still a long way to go and I just don’t seem to be able to keep up with it. Because I tire really quickly, there always seems to be other stuff that needs doing and even the general day to day running of the house can become too much for me at times. When the floors need cleaning, the kitchen looks as if a war’s been fought in it, the washing basket’s overflowing and the window’s are so dirty I can hardly see out of them anymore, de-cluttering is the last thing I have time for. I do a little now and then (I de-cluttered the shelves and baskets underneath the coffee table at the weekend) but it’s never enough.

Maybe I’m just attacking things in the wrong way or something but if there’s one thing I regret it’s letting it get this way in the first place! Why oh why did I ever think I needed all this junk?

2. People
I’ve really tried hard to keep toxic people out of my path but it’s not always possible. Some people I just have to tolerate because of circumstances. I can’t go into what those circumstances are as I wouldn’t like anybody to recognise themselves, or even think they recognise themselves, but a couple of them are people I really don’t need or want in my life.

For some reason I tend to attract those who are down on their luck and that’s ok, but when they starting taking the Jimmy out of me, it’s not ok anymore. Far from it. I don’t hesitate to tell them about themselves, and have done on numerous occasions, but still they persist and there’s sod all I can do about it.

These people cause me unnecessary stress EVEN THOUGH they know that stress can make me seriously ill. Stress is not good when you’re trying to live a simple life.

3. People II
Because I tend to attract people who have had a less than easy life (and I guess that’s because like attracts like), a lot of my friends are struggling with personal problems. My problem is that I get too emotionally involved and again, that leads to stress.

And that IS my problem, not theirs. They haven’t asked me to get so involved, nor have they expected it of me, but it’s part of my nature I guess, and probably something I’m just going to have to live with.

I have learned to distance myself to a certain degree - I don’t get as involved as I once would have done - but even so, I notice that there are times when I need to put my own needs before theirs and that doesn’t always happen.

Is it really possible to live simply in a house that feels chaotic most of the time, and with friends whose problems I take onboard a little too often? Not to mention the ones who aren’t friends but who I have to endure but who suck me dry emotionally. Is it? Please tell me it is.

It's a new month - maybe I just need to 'regroup' and decide on a plan of action. I just have to figure out what that should be first.

Sharon J

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Awesome Autumn!

Image: Glockenblume

I was talking to my mum on the phone the other day, she was complaining about how autumn’s here now and that it’s just going to get really cold and miserable. She moaned about how she won’t be able to get the washing dry, that she’s having to put the heating on during the evening, and Lord knows what else.

Every season has it’s drawbacks but they all have their good sides too. You don’t get bugged by mosquitoes and wasps the whole time during autumn, after all, and sweating your kiskers off isn’t a problem.

I personally try to make the most of every season and there’s plenty to do in autumn that you either can’t do in summer, or just isn‘t quite the same.

Kick leaves in the park like you did as a kid. There’s no shame in being ’childish’ - we need to just have spontaneous fun now and then.

Take a walk in the woods or just around your neighbourhood and admire the colour changes. The bright flowers of summer may well be disappearing fast but they’re being replaced by some fantastic reds, oranges and yellows that can be beautiful as a single tree - like the fiery colour of the hornbeam - and absolutely breathtaking when viewed en masse.

Bake an apple pie. Autumn’s apple season and home-made apple pie with lots of cinnamon tastes soooooo much better than shop bought varieties. Hot with cream or cold with warm custard... how can you go wrong? If you don’t want to make pastry, try a crumble instead. They’re dead easy and there are loads of recipes on the web.

Have a picnic. Just because it isn’t summer any more doesn’t mean the picnic seasons over - as long as you dress appropriately, a picnic on a crisp, sunny autumn day can be really nice too. Think cheese & pickle sandwiches, pickled onions, pork pies, sausage rolls, coleslaw, hot drinks, slices of fresh apple pie, and all those wonderful berries.

Make jam. Gardens and hedgerows are full of juicy berries in autumn just waiting to be turned into delicious sweet jam. It isn’t as difficult as you may think and you don’t need lots of special equipment either. In fact, I used to make loads of ‘jam’ just by crushing berries with sugar and freezing them. Delicious when thawed on fresh bread.

Get crafting. The dark nights don’t exactly inspire people to go visiting the way the long light evenings of summer do, but they’re great for settling down inside with some knitting, sewing, card-making or whatever other craft you fancy. Let your imagination run riot. Make stuff.

Enjoy your comfy autumn clothes. I love wearing a good pair of soft, comfortable jeans, a well worn t-shirt and a wooly jumper that’s just a bit too big and luckily that’s the perfect get-up for going out for walks in autumn. Shorts and vest tops are all very well and good but there’s something very comforting about big, baggy sweaters.

Visit a maize maze and get lost or a while. Lots of farms do these to make some extra money so there’s a good chance there’s one near you. We spent a couple of hours looking for our way out last time we went so it’s a good idea to take a few sarnies and a drink with you.

Fill yourself up with stews and casseroles. As much as I love the light foods of summer, once autumn arrives I can’t wait to get the stew pot out and start cooking rich, hearty food. Make use of all those lovely root vegetables that are about now - they almost all combine really well in stews and casseroles and there’s nothing easier to cook than a one-pot meal.

Bring out blankets and cuddle up in them during chilly evenings. A blanket, a good book and a cup of hot chocolate…. Heaven!

Richard and I are off to Cholmondely Castle Gardens for a picnic today. There's no point sitting indoors when the sun's shining and double Gloucester cheese sandwiches made with bread baked fresh this morning are up for grabs.

Is there anything you particularly love about autumn?

Sharon J

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Harking Back To The Past

Image: madalena-pestana

I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about the past. My own past and our collective pasts - pasts that we didn’t experience but that we know happened. History. Personal, national and global history.

Some would say I should stop ‘living in the past’ and look to the future instead and while I agree that we can’t get too stuck in our ways or we’ll never evolve, I believe that the past can help us understand which path the future needs to take.

For me, finding simplicity in my life again has been largely dominated by a time in my past where I lived much simpler than I have been doing for the past decade or so. I look back and compare how I felt in one stage with how I felt in the other, how my different choices affected both me personally, my family, the community around me and the planet as a whole. What changed? Did it change for the better or not? Was I happier? Did I have more or less time to spend with my family? Was I under more or less financial pressure? How was my relationship with my friends? These, and others, are questions I ask myself and the answers let me learn and develop as I move forward through the changes I‘m implementing now and, because we‘re continuously evolving our lives and attitudes, they help me map where I want to go.

When I listen to my mum tell stories from her past; from a time when reusing was the norm and recycling just happened without needing a name, I’m learning ‘new‘ ways of wasting less. When she tells me how the neighbours all rallied around for one another, looking out for the elderly and making sure the new or sick mum had the help that she needed, I realise that we intelligent, evolving humans have built a society of loneliness and isolation; we close our doors and the rest of the world can just ‘get on with it’. She has so much to tell me and I have so much to learn.

Yes, we can hark back to an ideal and imagined past when everybody was happy and all was well with the world and long for a utopia that hasn’t and never is going to happen, and yes, there are some who do just that, but reflecting on what has been doesn’t have to mean we’re living in a dream state, exiling ourselves from reality, but that we’re learning from the mistakes and triumphs that we’ve experienced personally, or that our ancestors experienced before us.

And yes, the past has happened and we can’t go back there, but we can build on certain elements of history, incorporating them into our lives in order to create a better, more fulfilling future where contentment and freedom from commercialism, debt, isolation, endless rules and regulations that strip us of our personal responsibility, and the constant need to keep up with the elusive Jones’ can again be enjoyed; a life where stress, anxiety, depression and exhaustion are no longer part of ’the norm’.

The past was what set me on my path to rediscover a more simple way of living - I knew I’d been happier without credit cards, fast food, endless rounds of shopping, expensive holidays taken just for the sake of it, closed doors amongst neighbours I barely know and ‘stuff’ cluttering every corner of my life. By looking back I could identify what had changed, how it had changed and what I needed to do in order to incorporate some of my past ways into my present life. I can’t turn the clocks back to become young and healthy again but I can find some of that past contentment and happiness that had been lost amongst the endless ‘wants’ I’d developed - wants that had led me to a life less pleasant.

The past has happened and we can learn from it - the future is nothing more than fantasy.

Sharon J

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Paul - A Prime Example of Simplicity

My son’s 30 and has what’s termed as ‘profound learning difficulties’. When he was six months old I was told that he would be ‘a vegetable’ (the doctor’s actual term) and was advised to put him into care and forget him. Yes, that’s actually what I was told.

I didn’t. I was just 17 but I knew that with my mum's support, I could give him a life he deserved.

He was 3 ½ when he took his first step and nowadays we call him ‘the roadrunner’ because he dashes along, making it practically impossible for even fit people to keep up, let alone me with my dodgy legs or my mum on her aging pins. He can dress himself (although needs to be reminded put on clean clothes otherwise he’d wear the same things for a year!), he can bath himself if he’s supervised and reminded to rinse himself off properly and given help to wash his hair and get dry, and although he can’t prepare a meal, he can eat without help (although I have to admit that a good deal of it tends to land on his t-shirt or his lap) and he can perform simple household tasks like emptying the rubbish bin, feeding the pets, and vacuuming the floor (but not if it involves pulling the furniture out). In other words, he’s far from a vegetable.

He can’t speak but has an amazing ability to make himself understood through gestures and body language although you’d have to meet him to really understand the extent of his talent (and it IS a talent). He can’t count to more than 3 or write anything other than his name and some crosses (kisses) and he can’t manage complex computer games or even board games. He can sit for hours ‘counting’ pennies and stacking them up though, and even longer with his Magnetix and believe me, he loves nothing more than helping out.

Paul is kindness personified. As long as it’s within his capabilities, he’ll do anybody a favour, and most often he’ll give it a go even if he can’t do it. Unfortunately, the latter sometimes leads to problems because he‘ll have a go at something he hasn‘t been asked to do (like when he decided to change a plug or the time he drilled a hole in the wall). He’s only trying to be useful, though.

He loves animals, nature and sunshine but he doesn’t really complain if it’s raining and he gets wet. He hates it if he thinks people are being unfair to others and cries if a person or animal gets hurt. He’ll comfort you when you’re feeling down and he’s a master at making people laugh. In fact, it doesn’t take much to make him laugh - watching The Simpsons has him in fits!

Paul doesn’t demand much. He doesn’t ask for the latest Cds or DVDs but is happy when he gets one. He doesn’t demand the latest fashions but is happy when he wears something new (unless we’re talking trainers, in which case he’d rather wear the old ones until they fall off his feet). He’s perfectly happy with second-hand furniture in his room and at the moment he’s more than happy with a mattress on the floor in his nan’s room (there’s no room for a proper bed) just because he’s close to her and can be there for her should she need help in the night. He doesn’t want to dine out at fancy restaurants but thinks it’s fun to pop into the bakers for a cake and a cup of hot chocolate now and then, and he neither smokes nor drinks alcohol. He does drink too much milk for his own good, though.

What really upsets him is the way some people react. The stares, the comments made within earshot, and the sniggers from the ‘uneducated’. These things make him both sad and angry.

Recently I told him that I was planning to take him away on holiday. He hasn’t been anywhere for over 2 years - not even as much as a day trip - so I thought that being as he spends the majority of his time either helping Mum with the shopping, helping her with my very ill and dependant father, or just doing some bits and pieces to help Mum around the house, he’d appreciate a break. Alas, Paul didn’t want to go.

Sunshine, beaches, the warm sea, karaoke bars and hotel type join-in entertainment, all of which he usually loves, just weren’t enough to entice him away from his nan. His answer was that she needs him with her to help look after Grandad and to be able to carry the shopping home. That’s a kind and incredibly unselfish heart!

When I see ‘kids’ making demands on their parents for the latest computer game consoles, the latest designer gear, the best holidays and lord only knows what else, and still they’re sulky and miserable and complain that they’re hard done by, I can’t help but think how much better Paul’s life actually is. He’s happy in his simplicity.

Next time somebody says “he’s simple, isn’t he?”, I shall take it as a compliment. He is, he's happy that way and I love him for it.

Sharon J

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I’ve Been on Holiday!

Image: Adam79

Ok, so I haven’t been on holiday as in the usual sense of going on holiday, but I’ve still been on holiday. Let me explain.

A while ago I decided I’d try to recreate a meal that Richard and I had both enjoyed during a holiday in Tenerife a few years ago. It was a relatively simple meal - just pork steaks in a creamy mushroom sauce with sautéed potatoes and a salad but there was something about it that was incredibly more-ish. As I’d found a recipe for Spanish style sautéed potatoes, last night I made the meal. LM wasn’t home so it was just a meal-for-two eaten by candlelight (a stab at being romantic) and, even if I do say so myself, was actually quite delicious.

While we were eating Richard commented that the sound of the kitchen fan that was extracting steam was somewhat reminiscent of the air-conditioning in the restaurant where we’d first enjoyed the meal I’d tried to recreate. I agreed and we were transported back to Los Cristianos.

After our meal, whilst still in the ‘holiday mood’, I suggested that as I don’t need to hook up to my feed pump on Saturday evenings, we could drive to his and I could stay over there. I haven’t been away anywhere this year, not even for a night, and really felt like ‘getting away’, even if it was only to the other side of town.

You’ll probably think we’re daft as brushes but because Richard hasn’t been able to lay carpets or install much furniture yet (he’s also living frugally - things will happen when they’re meant to), there’s a lot of echo there so we pretended we were in a caravan. Ok, childish it may be, but it was fun and that’s what mattered.

For breakfast we had a traditional English fry-up (not healthy, I know, especially after a thick sauce and sautéed potatoes the night before, but you have to indulge yourself sometimes and we were on holiday!) and then, for lunch, we decided we’d head for Scandinavia and have a my favourite smørbrød (open faced sandwich) - a slice of thick white bread with prawns and mayo on a bed of lettuce and garnished with red pepper and a slice of lemon (for squeezing over the mayo and prawns). Absolutely gorgeous! Thank you, Richard, for going out to Asda especially to get the prawns.

Then, once lunch was digested and a cup of coffee had been enjoyed (another rare treat for me), we jumped in the car and headed for the countryside, choosing narrow B-roads that we hadn’t explored before. We passed through some beautiful places that are right on our doorsteps before stopped by the canal (Trent & Mersey - although I‘ve no idea just where we were) to eat a custard doughnut and drink our cartons of 12-fruit juice before taking a short stroll along the tow path.

This was, beyond any doubt, the most enjoyable 24 hours I’ve spent so far this year and proves that real pleasure can be found in simple things - it’s just a matter of using your imagination.

Sharon J

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How Simple Living Can Be Damaging

Image: Sunfrog1

There isn't a day go by where I don't think about what simple living means to me and how I might be able to simplify my life even more. Today I got to thinking about how the extremes of anything can be more damaging than they’re productive.

Let’s say you’re staying at a hotel that’s less than green and you can’t find anywhere to put the rubbish that you know should go to recycling. You don’t have a car to drive to a recycling point and as you hardly know the area, finding one on foot isn’t easy. Because you’re so determined not to go against your green principles you could well end up spending the best part of your holiday obsessing over what to do with the said items and fretting over the hotel management who just aren’t doing their bit.

Or perhaps you’re intent on eating only healthy foods but the hostess who invited you to dinner has cooked a meal that’s far from what you would have chosen. What do you do? Sit and pick at your food because there’s no way you’re going to eat something that’s less than healthy? Start a discussion with hostess about her choice of menu? Or might you just eat and enjoy it, knowing that one ‘bad’ meal now and then isn’t going to kill you?

Maybe you’ve promised yourself that you’ll only buy locally produced fruit, veg and meat but when you get to the shop, all they have is imported stuff. You’re tired because the kids have been moody and you really just want to get home but, even so, you stalk off the next shop even though it’ll take you an extra 15 minutes and the kids will be even moodier because there’s no way you’re feeding them imported food!

There are myriad situations like these where obsessing over our lifestyle choices can be damaging to our ability to live quietly and with contentment and that really can’t be the best way forward when living a simple life.

There’s such a thing as the 80/20 rule. Basically it means that we should all live by our own standards 80 percent of the time and accept that the remaining 20 percent may not be exactly how we’d prefer it.

Sometimes we eat things we don’t feel we ought to, whether it’s because we’re eating out or simply because we fancied that indulgent bar of chocolate; sometimes we throw something that could have been reused and at times we might buy something we didn’t really need. Then there are times when we might spend more on something that we feel we should have or watched more TV than we promised ourselves we would.

Beating ourselves up over these situations is non-productive. We’re human and no human’s perfect. We don’t live ‘perfect’ lives.

We’re allowed to make the odd mistake, take a shortcut or indulge ourselves occasionally - I know I certainly do and i don't feel guilty about it, either. I used to, but I've learned not to. It really is just a matter of keeping everything within reason - that 80/20 parameter.

Sharon J

PS: No spend days so far this month: 5/16 (lost one on Monday as wasn't well so ordered a take-away to save cooking a meal - it wasn't even nice!)

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Menu Planning - How I Do It

Image: Mister Scratch

One of the first things I did when I decided to simplify my life was to menu plan and as fellow blogger, Catz, shared her experience of menu planning with us in a recent post, I thought I'd share my experience with you, too.

Unfortunately, not long after I started it I got ill and it all went kind of west but once I was able I picked it back up again and have been sticking with it since and believe me, it makes a huge difference.

Instead of wondering what to make for dinner every day, rummaging through cupboards and the darkest corners of the freezer, looking to see what I have that can be turned into a half decent meal, I now know exactly what I’ll be cooking, what I need and that it’s already waiting to be prepared. That, dear friends, make life a good deal less stressful.

Not only has it helped me feel less anxious about mealtimes, it’s also made shopping a whole lot easier. No more picking up stuff willy-nilly because I might use this and I might use that. Oh no… once my menu plan’s sorted, I check what I already have, make a list of everything I’ll need and that’s exactly what I buy.

It also helps me use up the stuff that’s in my cupboard. Whereas before I’d have half a dozen packets of rice but only half a pack of pasta, now I keep a running list so that know what I have, what I can use and what I need to top up with.

With a menu plan, life’s easier and it saves a whole lot of money too.

Although I don’t strictly need to eat healthily as my nutrition comes through my TPN and very little of what I eat is absorbed, I still want to have a reasonably balanced diet because that way I’m making a better impression on my daughter. I also want to feed her well as long as she’s living here and my guests, I’m sure, appreciate a decent meal too. There's something psychological about eating well, too.

When I plan my fortnightly menu (some do it weekly but I prefer to shop once a fortnight) I don't decide beforehand which day we'll be having what, I simply write up a list whilst trying to:

• Incorporate as many different coloured fruits and vegetables as possible so that we’re getting a variety of nutrients. Eat a rainbow, as they say.
  
  
• Use seasonal, locally sourced, preferably organic fruit and vegetables whenever I can.
  
  
• Vary the protein sources between white and red meat, fish, eggs, cheese and legumes (beans, peas, lentils etc) because each type has different nutritional values.
  
  
• Use some wholegrain pastas and brown rice although both LM and I prefer white so we compromise.
  
  
• Add a couple of meals more than I actually need in case I ‘change my mind’. Those that aren’t used roll over to the next fortnight.
  
  
• Vary the meals so that I have some that are very simple to prepare for my low energy days. It's on these days that convenience foods (cans, frozen veg etc) come in handy.
  
  
• Consider what I can cook in batches during the preparation of one meal to use in another meal or freeze for later use - anything to make things easier!
  
  
• Think about how much of a certain item I’ll need to buy and whether or not one meal will be enough to use it all. If not, I’ll incorporate it into a second meal or make a larger potion to freeze, if that’s possible.
  
  
• Consider who I’ll be cooking for during the coming fortnight. When will LM be home for dinner (read: when can I cook the stuff she doesn't like)? Will I be having guests and what don't they eat? Are they vegetarian/vegan? Big eaters or pickers?
  
  
• Try at least one new recipe every week, even if it’s just a new sauce or way to prepare a vegetable.

Menu planning is, I’d say, the most important step I’ve taken in simplifying my life so far. If you’re not already doing it, I’d highly recommend you give it a try. I’ve certainly never looked back!

Sharon J


Other posts that may be of interest:

What’s In The Freezer?
Grocery Shopping - 20 Money Saving Tips
Fruit & Veg Doesn’t Have To Be Fresh
Organic vs. Local vs. Imported vs. Fairtrade

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Fishing

Image: Old Shoe Woman

For years I could regularly be found either by the sea, a lake or river, or in our boat, fishing rod in hand, waiting eagerly for ‘the bite’.

By regularly I mean at least once a week during summer, often more, but then fishing was so easy in Norway. No matter where you are, there’s always a lake, stream or river within easy hitting distance (cycling distance) and as the coast line’s long with fjords digging deep into the country, the sea’s usually not too far away either. You just sit on the rocks, and wait.

The peace and quite I felt whilst fishing was enormously good for me. I’d contemplate and theorise about all manner of things while I was surrounded by beautiful nature and didn’t care whether it rained or was late at night. As long as I was dressed properly, I was happy. Really happy.

Fishing can be such a simple pursuit and yet whenever I see anglers along the canal or at lakes here, they seem to be making such a big thing of it. They’re bogged down with all sorts of equipment (don’t ask me what they use it all for - I haven’t a clue) and in order to make a catch more likely, they’re stressing over which ground bait to use.

To me, fishing is a matter of a rod, a reel, a hook, some bait or a lure, and a box of extra line, hooks and other incidentals. A Y-twig to rest my rod on, should I need to leave it, is always good if I can find one but if I can’t, I’ll just make do.

Sometimes my partner and/or kids came with me and the children soon became almost just as keen as me although Paul, bless him, couldn't use a real hook because he didn't understand the danger and ended up with one firmly embedded in his hand. The photo at the top actually reminds me of Lise's first catch - that was a tiny perch, too.

Unlike most inland anglers here, what we caught was generally eaten. The only exceptions were young fish that would be thrown back in to hopefully be caught later once they’d grown or inedible fish that just happened to take the bait. Cod would be frozen down and used in fish cakes, fish pies, casseroles, or just eaten as fillets; trout would be grilled or barbequed the next day; and If we had too much fish for ourselves, we’d give some away to friends and family.

I really miss that kind of fishing so I’ve decided that next time I visit my family in Norway during summer, I’m going to buy myself some simple fishing equipment, take myself off somewhere early in the morning and fish until I feel ready to point my nose back towards ‘home‘. No rushing and nobody hassling me for something - just me and nature and complete relaxation.

I shall leave my gear over there so that I can fish every time I make a late spring/summer/early autumn visit. Ice fishing, I’m afraid, is off the agenda now. It was never as much fun anyway and now that I feel the cold so much, I don’t feel the least bit inclined to try again. I just hope I can still remember how to tie a knot!

Maybe one year I’ll hire a boat that we can all poodle around the fjord in, while I look for the places where nicely sized cod tend to gather, hoping for that exciting moment: ‘the bite’.

Sharon J

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Six Months On

Image: yardsale

It’s now six months since I wrote my very first post here after deciding that I wanted to get serious about simplifying my life again.

In those six months I’ve either learned or been reminded that:

…I’d started to forget just how good it feels to live simply because, although I never became a full member of the ‘must have brigade’, during recent years I’d started to become increasingly consumer oriented.

…sometimes it can be difficult to resist the urge to spend money but I can keep it at bay by reminding myself that all this consumer madness isn’t do either me or the rest of the earth’s population any good.

…somebody has to buy new stuff in order for their to be used stuff available so there’s no point in pointing a finger at those who do.

…buying things just because we want them isn‘t good for us. We lose our sense of value and just end up wanting more stuff.

...that, having said the above, sometimes what appear to be 'wants' can actually be 'needs'. The soul needs feeding too, after all.

…we can never have everything we want. No matter how much we buy, there will always be something else that’s bigger and better that we'll want.

...wants and needs are two entirely different things.

…when we make do with what we have, we learn to value those things more.

…to be more aware of the kind of food I give my children and guests. Variety is key to getting the right amount of nutrients.

…when I’m doing housework, I'm happier using eco-friendly, household products rather than damaging commercial detergents and cleaners.

…walking my dog along the canal towpath gives me far more pleasure than a trip to a shopping centre.

...that while eating out is good, preparing and eating a meal at home can be just as good especially when the meal's appreciated by those you cook for.

…even though I love the scents and sights of a travelling funfair, I don’t need to have a burger and a stick of candyfloss to enjoy it.

…just because I’m pushing fifty doesn’t mean I have to own loads of stuff in order to appear ‘successful’. True success is living the life that you’re happy with yourself.

…other people’s views of my lifestyle are totally irrelevant.

…what remains of my health is important to me so I really must stop smoking.

…the more I learn about green issues, the more I want to do my bit for the environment.

...I'm more in touch with my spiritual side when I'm not weighed down by 'stuff'.

…I am neither happy nor comfortable in the company of materialistic people.

…clutter does my head in. Even though I’m to blame for most of the clutter in this house, it stresses me something awful.

…a place for everything and everything in its place really does make life easier.

...while there should always be a place for spontaneity, certain areas of life are easier with proper organisation.

…paying off my debts and seeing my savings grow makes me feel far more secure than spending money I didn’t have ever did.

…there are actually more notches on the belt than I’d thought there were.


Sharon J

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All Feet To The Pole

Image: FlickrDelusions

Once upon a time our family used to go camping. We didn’t have a fancy tent with lots of rooms in it or anything, just two simple dome tents, one for me, my other half (at the time), Paul and one dog, the other for the girls and dog number two. There wasn’t much room to store anything so most of our stuff stayed in the back of the car and food was prepared and eaten al fresco. If it rained we’d find a café to have a meal in but generally we managed without spending very much money at all.

They were simple holidays and weekends away but we enjoyed them; we had no desire to jump on a plane and fly off to some foreign place that would end up costing an arm and a leg. We were happy and contented with what we had.

Sometimes we’d stay at campsites where the kids would get to know other children and spend all day playing before zipping themselves exhausted into the sleeping bags at night. Other times we’d just pitch the tents in some remote spot and spend the time exploring the area with the kids, fishing with them, making food over a real campfire and, perhaps most importantly, letting them use their imaginations. They’d make boats out of twigs and leaves that they'd sail on a lake or river and pine cones and twigs became animals that were use to act out stories they’d make up. They learned to put the tents up, gut fish and prepare them to cook for our evening meal, to recognise animal foot prints and the different birds, how to dig out an earth toilet and fill it in and cover it after use and how to safely use a knife to make pointy sticks for cooking sausages over the fire.

Sure, they may have learned a bit about different cultures if we’d chosen to go further afield, but it would have cost us huge amounts of money that we used on other things instead. And if I’m honest, I doubt they would have learned anywhere near as much. Maybe how to say “can you move that towel?” in German or “A burger and chips, please” in Spanish but not much more. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I don’t regret the choice we made and neither do the children. Neither of them feel they missed out on anything but they all say they gained a lot. The one holiday we took in Majorca certainly didn't leave us with anywhere near as many good memories as a week in a tent always did.

Only once have we experienced such extreme rain that the tents leaked. Believe me, they really did leak that time, though. But hey… you take the rough with the smooth, eh? Things can go wrong on any holiday. If you want to know more about that particular experience, you can read about it here. Looking back, it was actually very funny.

If you’ve never tried camping and know somebody who has equipment you can borrow, I’d definitely suggest giving it a go. You may well be surprised at how much you enjoy it and it’s certainly a cheap way of getting away from it all. Getting back to basics is good for the soul and if you decide that it isn’t for you, you won’t have lost much. Just a couple of days, whatever it costs to get to the camping site and the pitch fee. Hardly much to get upset about. And in these days of tightening the belt it's gotta be worth giving it a try.

Should you be worried about toilet facilities - and I know some people are - most campsites have modern loos and shower blocks. In fact, I believe they have to have them these days, although I wouldn't swear to that. If you have a large tent it's possible to use a chemical toilet although I know some people don't even like the idea of that so won't even 'go' in a touring caravan let alone a tent, but each to their own.

Unfortunately, camping isn’t easy for me anymore. As much as I hate it, things have to be planned more these days. Large amounts of medical supplies have to go everywhere with me (and believe me, we’re not talking a couple of packs of pills here), and I have to be able to attach myself to a pump at night. I can, however, manage one night without most of the meds or the pump so I’ve decided that it won’t beat me - once I’m strong enough the camping equipment is coming out of the loft and I shall be off. I have a couple of friends who have said they’ll come with me (Richard doesn’t do camping) so there shouldn’t be a problem.

I also have a charger for my pump that can be plugged into the car, so once I’ve tried one night, I might even go for two.

As they say, “there’s no such thing as a problem, just a challenge” and I intend to take up the challenge. I love camping too much to give it up completely. It’s been too long already.

One step at a time, though.

Sharon J x

To find campsites in the area you’d like to visit, see UK Campsites


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