I don’t worry a whole lot. I figure it’s a non-productive behaviour that just saps energy so better to use the energy you have to try to find a solution to a problem and I certainly don’t spend precious time worrying about something that will probably never happen. But today I’m worried.
I don’t actually have a problem myself. Well, I do - we all have our problems but I don’t have anything major going on in my life, and certainly nothing that would warrant worrying about, but somebody I care about has a serious financial problem and as I can see that it’s dragging him down into that black place where nobody really likes to be, I’m worried. I heard about this during dinner last night and even though we were having vegetable stew, one of my all time favourite meals, it put me right off - my appetite just flew out of the window. And I didn’t sleep well last night. I had dreams that were related to the problem and woke up at 2 am thinking about it.
I could dip into my kitchen fund and bail the person out in the short term but I can’t see how it would have any long term effect and I’d still be without my kitchen. Now I know that sounds kind of selfish, but I’ve been saving for a long time and that money hasn’t come easy. I’ve saved coins in a jar, put a fiver away whenever I could and gradually the fund has grown. I’m already owed £200 from it by another person, and that kitchen means a lot to me.
What’s more, I should have had the kitchen a long time ago. I originally took up a £3000 loan for it but due to circumstances at the time (very little income coming into the house), I had to keep dipping into it in order to survive and eventually it was gone. I’m still paying the loan and £98 a month makes a big dent in my income, especially when it’s for something I never had the chance to enjoy.
But I do feel terribly selfish. I mean, compared to some people in this world, my life is one of luxury. Even compared to the life of the person I’m worried about, my life is extremely comfortable from a financial point of view and that’s saying something because I struggle too. Is it selfish of me to put my own needs first? That kitchen’s really important to me as mine is very impractical with hardly any storage space and I’m fed up with keeping things in boxes and stacked on top of each other. My mobility is impaired, I get worn out quickly, and although I enjoy cooking, it’s just no fun when everything’s so difficult. It also has a floor that’s nigh on impossible to keep clean.
However, I’m not about to lose my bank account and neither do I have the threat of bailiffs at my door. I have had in the past, but not now. Not since I sorted myself out and decided that racking up debt and living outside of my means wasn’t the way to go.
I really don’t know what to do.
I know nobody here can help me make a decision or help the person concerned, but getting my thoughts down on ‘paper’ helps a little. My mind doesn’t feel quite as muddled.
Last week, I actually offered to lend him some money on the condition that he paid me back a set amount each week but because of his unstable financial situation, he isn't able to make a repayment plan - there just isn't room for further outgoings.
If I knew for sure that £500 would be all that it’d take for this person to turn his future around then I’d give it to him without hesitation, but it isn’t that simple. He has no way of paying me back on a loan, I don’t feel I can afford to lose the money, and it really would only be a short-term bail out. What then? What happens when my kitchen money’s gone and he’s still in the same position, just a few months down the line?